Feb 9, 2014

A heap of weep

Good day to you wonderful readers.  I am grateful for your interest, kindness, support, your help, and the letters I receive validating menopause as a functional disorder.
val·i·date
1. To declare or make legally valid.
2. To mark with an indication of official sanction.
3. To establish the soundness of; corroborate.
We need to move on this.  Can you picture me before Congress, wild hair, mascara running from tears, pounding my hand of crooked fingers, swearing like a rap video.  Trying hard to refrain from climbing the table to grab a silk tie and twisting it around some smug hypocrite's neck.  It would be corroborative evidence in making my case.  And as I walk out, head held high, Elvis would be singing You'll Never Walk Alone in the background.
It all started with my new linen order and trying to get the color adjusted close to my prior fabric, which did NOT resemble what I saw in baby Matt's pants at the party.  Drives me nuts to order the same color and there is no consistency. Using the walnut dip did nothing because yellow is invincible. Remember to buy blue dye today.  I'm finally getting out on the ice packed side streets and skating rink parking lots.  The van in front of me is from our local pet cemetery, obviously going to pick up a deceased furbaby.  That started the memories of when it came to my home, and back to the loss of our first Lab who suffered terribly because of her vet, then memories of my dad's suffocation because of his clueless doctor.  So rage once again had me shaking inside while weeping outside.  My first store was Walmart.   Walking from my car, I see a Cadillac Escalade pull into the handicapped spot. Out comes two young women, neither handicapped, and eight children under five.  It's starting to build.  As I loaded my bags' handles over my arms in the self checkout and started to walk out, I passed the little service desk at the end.  My hair was falling over the side of my face - that did it.   I sent my bags crashing to the floor, asked the clerk for scissors, and lopped off the offending hunk. Not many customers throw their merchandise down in a hissy fit to cut their hair, and I'll bet they have new rules regarding scissors.  Next stop, JoAnn's for blue Rit.  They moved the display.  I'm trying to stay calm, up and down each aisle.  Customers throughout the store then heard, "WHERE THE HELL IS THE RIT?".  Purchased a dozen storage containers for an organization attempt, later found a 20% off coupon I had planned to use but the Rit fit trumped.  Costing more $$ is now involved and I'm on an unstoppable course. On to the pet store for brat food.  A girl on her cell phone, relaying a crying friend's pleas for help because her house had no heat and laughing about it, blocked the aisle with her cart.  The insensitive bitch wouldn't move.  I said excuse me!  Nothing.  With one shove, I sent her cart about 25 feet.  As I turned and looked at her, she took a step back.  Next to JCP, where I planned on using my $10 reward on 2 sweatshirts.  Where the hell is it?  I just printed it!  Did it fall out at the other store?  Slam the hangers back onto the display enough to make it wobble.  Last stop was McDonald's for 2 cups of coffee. While getting my money, I see the JCP reward that I failed to see in multiple searches.  Steam coming from me is not related to the weather.  They know me at McD's, but this kid was new.  I opened the lid to check the drink and then told him to fill the damn cup.  It's funny how deep your voice gets when your teeth are clenched.  He'll remember me next time.  I pulled safely into the garage, threw all my packages out of the car and left them there, came inside and baked cake and cupcakes, ate them hot.  Everyone experiences what I encountered, feels the sadness, gets angry, but the van started the menomotions and there was no going back.  They aren't easily ignored, their edges are sharp and barbed, sticking in me, not wanting to let go.  It's like I become extremely sensitive yet angered at the same time, wanting to pick up and toss a car while falling into a heap of weep.  I used to be reasonable. Sharp. Diplomatic. Patient (within reason).  Now I can't remember the word I want, where I left my scissors, the name of my friend's street.  I have trouble staying calm during a debate, get unreasonably upset at small nuisances, cry when a baby cries, and get overly emotional at sadness (or some commercials).  Hot flashes have finally become less intense, less frequent, and tolerable.  And it's not every day that becomes an emotional coaster, but when it's triggered, the ride builds speed and lasts all day!!  I've always had a temper, but not this type of rage which has me torn between crying and throwing.  Maybe that conflict can be managed and choosing one or the other would be less upsetting.  That calls for reasoning.  Ain't gonna happen.
These are the colors I chose for Eliza Pomeroy to use on Copper Penny linen.  I would show you the design, but I can't find it.  Ann Wragg, first runner-up, may take the crown from Eliza if she doesn't fulfill her duties. The ups and downs of yesterday are upsetting, but the memory problems, misplaced items, lack of patience, and indecisiveness, are the most annoying symptoms of this disorder.  And with that in mind, I don't want to offer the planned gift in case it doesn't materialize, so the upcoming post announcing the giveaway will be for a gift certificate.  If the pincushion box is made in time and you would prefer a choice, we'll do that.  Don't enter yet!  I will have a separate post with details, when I calm down and think clearly.  Until then, thanks so much for reading my menotale.  I think it does help to write it out, because I got a chuckle when I remembered the pet store girl's look of fear, and can imagine how bitchy I looked to others.  But menopause also allows an arrogance, so I don't give a rat's tail what they thought.
 
Take care and finish the weekend with a smile.
 

41 comments:

Jacqueline said...

This too will pass. LOL

Anonymous said...

I have enjoyed your blog for over a year. I love your style and choices. I am now sitting here feeling sad because I can so identify with your feelings and emotions. Sometimes my anger over small things really scares me. We can only hope that it gets better.

Mouse said...

ohhh dear I don't know whether to giggle or cry at this ... as Jacqeueline says this too will pass ... or at least I hope soo (((hugs))) the things we lass's have to go through eh ??? love mouse xxxxx

Barb said...

Been there and come out the other side Marly-however you did give me a smile at the end of the weekend. My daughter and daughter in law are coming up to"that"age heaven help the family. Take care.

Deb F said...

Well yes, this too will pass but I'm hoping it doesn't have to be this awful for you. When my husband and child didn't know me anymore, one of my best friends told me to get myself to a doctor.

Although I fought it, I ended up taking a mild antidepressant and...it helped. I began to feel like me again. Situational depression and the anger, frustration and all the rest of it...I used all the tools but the pills really did help.

And since then, I've recommended it as a therapy to a few others. One friend told me she thought I saved her life.

Forgetfulness, yeah you can deal. Rage...not so much. It will get better but you don't have to suffer so much in the meantime.

Cricket-bug Corner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Georgie said...

Feel so much better!! I have a side ache from laughing.....

Cricket-bug Corner said...

Sorry - I had to delete my comment and move to my computer to make a new comment. My phone is doing this "neat" thing where I can't see what I type - sometimes it works out - sometimes not so much. I enjoyed your menotale - read it to my husband. He may be afraid for my menodays!! I hope your hair is ok - did it add to the pet store girl's fear?

Georgie said...

2nd post for today. I asked my daughter to read todays blog (She is not a needleworker). She texted me to say omg this is you! So there are 2 of us!

backporchcarver said...

Ha! I don't remember being that angry but if you asked my husband he would totally say I was. I am still very emotional,cry way too easy, and forget where I put stuff. Sometimes I feel like I will be enernally searching for something I just had in my hand a few minutes ago.I am 69 and still get the hot flashes only now they are just warm flashes and I can handle that. There is a light at the end of the tunnel though so don't give up.

lilraggedyangie said...

I like to say if you can't beat em...take a deep breath and join them ...cause Bitchy is good lol Look at it this way you made it this far in life you've earned your stripes and the right to ROAR ...enjoy your day hugs lil raggedy Angie

capecodgirl565 said...

Having been there I know all too well of which you speak! I must say, I would have loved to have been in the store when you dropped your packages to cut your hair..who knows, you may end up a celebrity on youtube. At any rate, have faith because it will get better, and if I could have punched everyone in the mouth who told me that, I would be serving a life stretch in prison right now, but it will.

C. M. Designs said...

With the way it is "out there" now days, I'm not surprised at your emotions.. Most of us are pleasant people until someone gets in our way or is rude for no reason at all.
I was in a grocery store today and as I walked past an older woman, she just picked the back end of her cart up and slammed it on the floor.. The next time I saw her she was buying a lottery ticket. Don't know what the dropping of the cart was all about.
Sometimes I do unusual things and my daughter will tell me that I'm not safe to be let out alone.. Of course she's kidding me.
I hope that with time and warmer weather we'll all feel better and be able to go our Merry way without getting too upset about incidentals.
Know that I understand.
Charlotte in Virginia

terry a said...

Take the hormones !!!! I now feel good and can be bitchy when 1 REALY WANT TOO :-) You can too!

KrissKross said...

Don't know whether to laugh or cry - I am sure many of us relate! I am almost there. I have friends who swear b bio-identical hormone therapy - one has pellets injected every 4 months or so and it has changed the quality of her life dramatically!

You have to look a bit to find a doctor who does this, but it is worth it!

krayolakris said...

Been there. It ain't easy. Talking about helps a lot too along with everyone else's suggestions. Weather -ugh - surely that feeds it too. But the rude insensitive louts? Game on. Be encouraged!

Barbara Shores ~ Village Folk Art said...

I never had the hot flashes after I started menopause surgically(I was 50 then). But all the other stuff is me. Especially the anger and impatience with others and the forgetfulness is bothersome. I am now 74 for 2 more months.
We do not have to be polite and NOT speak about our faith and politics especially since our beliefs are being mandated. Ignorance and 'No Class' enrages me, for example, when I hold a door open for someone and do not get a "Thank You" I respond with a loud "Your Welcome". Not sure it will pass with stubborn me.

As always-Peace,
Barb

Chris said...

I am so sorry for the emotional swings that you are on but I completely understand and relate. I hope that the upcoming week brings you some peace and rest. Stitch!!!

Robin Hager said...

I'm with you, sister! My husband took me to pick out a Valentine's Day gift, and purchased me a beautiful silver and diamond heart bracelet. Then this morning, I bit his head off for no reason! He will probably take it back :( I totally understand the feelings of rage, and not feeling "right". I hope we all survive!

Heartsdesire said...

Loved your meno rant. Everything you said was so true. Luckily, things will calm down and eventually you will feel much better and your emotions won't get the best of you.

Mary A said...

Oh, Marly, I so identify with what you're going through. I would suggest yoga as a calming strategy but I think our stitching fills the bill nicely. I don't feel guilty over how much I spend because it helps me cope with menomotion.

Joanie said...

I am so with you, Marly. There are times I marvel at who I became after the great "CHANGE". I can go from happy to "I'm gonna kill you" in less time than a heartbeat. I cry at facebook videos, can't watch any commercials from the SPCA and have the memory of a flea. My refuge is my stitching.
I believe it will get better (I'm crossing my fingers for us both!)

rosek1870 said...

Oh Marly I am right there with you! The less the hot! My latest phase is I can't get warm! I am cold all the time. Well this to shall pass. Sorry you are having such a tough time but thank you so much for the laugh! Hope you are laughing with us!
Rose

Mary said...

What a day you have had. I know what helped me, I did take HRt for about 8 years. Too long, so I weaned myself off, I tried natural pills. no good. I then timed the hot flashes, I noticed on the clock when they started, peaked and then subsided. Three min up , two mins of hell and then three min to normal. It really helped seeing them this way. Give it a try. HRT have too many bad side effects medically.

Berit said...

Sounds like quite an outing! I wonder if you'd find yoga as helpful and balancing as I have in recent months (though I've fallen offf schedule with it this winter.) I tried a couple variants, but really liked the Kundalini style. It's the gong! I know it's a wacky pitch, but if I could I'd convince you to try gong relaxation-including yoga.

P.S. Your header image with all the colorful samplers is looking great during this bleak winter we're having.

Barb said...

What a day! I would love to go shopping with you! We could do some real damage. I am forever loosing my patience with people!

Myra said...

Well girl .... I can finish my weekend with a smile because of YOU!!! Great post.

Linda said...

I laughed so hard i thought if i had an aisle id be rolling in it laughed so hard had to wipe the tears out of my eyes then finished reading and thought thats me again and wished there was another way to get old not for sissies hope you have a better day monday linda

ladyjane22 said...

I can relate all too well on all of this. I love all of your designs and your finishes, but and that is a big but, you really have missed your calling..you should write a book. I loved reading your "story".

Pondside said...

It will get better - it really will. I am finally, at 61, sleeping without putting towels under me for the inevitable soaking hot flashes. I haven't curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor to cry and I haven't shouted at anyone on the highway in months. No one would believe ANY of this of me, but there it is. It wasn't pretty - it was terribly hard, but believe me, it gets better.

Lida said...

It is Monday morning and I started it with a smile because of your story and oh yes how I recognize your mood! I am almost 64 and mine started very late, I was 61! But I managed to get it to an exceptable level with the help of my GP, she was wonderful! Maybe you can find a female GP to!! That will make a big difference!
Wish you strenght with all those people whom do not understand the mood and with your body that feels sometimes as it is not yours!
Hugs
Lida

Heritage Hall said...

O my goodness, is it safe to enter?, says she as she tiptoes thru the comment arch. Then I notice that so many can relate and empathize...what a sisterhood!
Marly dear, you are not alone, but few of us can express our chagrin and frustration with the creativity you do....LOL... Just remember in dealing with the dense
heads out there the adage,pearls before swine - float above them and just remember who you are and
that in time the scream will boil down to a snicker of self regard
and maybe detachment.

Deb~Paxton Valley Folk Art said...

Well, if misery loves company, you are living in a village! We 'of a certain age' can all relate and you have so clearly stated what we all feel and experience. Love the visual of you before Congress and walking out as Elvis serenades! I'll leave you with my rendition of "We Shall Overcome" (with sincere apologies to the memory of Pete Seeger!) Deb

Jodi S said...

Hang in there! It will get better in time. I know that doesn't help when Meno takes over though...

Sandra Sullivan said...

Oh my gosh, I can so relate!! Just wish I had your ability to put in words~

Kellie from Indiana said...

Wow, I get like that now and I just turned 40. I feel jipped because I have the worst cycles and have wanted to rip out my uterus for years and here the past couple years Ive had symptoms that seem menopausal AND the painful cycles Ive always had. And Im told menopause is a long way off. How to explain the memory loss, stumbling over words, emotional outbursts and sweating when everyone else is freezing, I do not know. Being female should require awards and queens for the day atleast once a week.

Anonymous said...

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Hope your rant helped! AnnieL

Maggee said...

To-wandaaaa!!!! Remember Fried Green Tomatoes?! LOVED that part, where the young 'things' took her parking spot and that DID IT! After smashing the he** out of their car, as she passes them she tells them, "I'm older and I have more insurance!" LOVE THAT! It always stays in my mind... cause there are so many twits out there! I enjoy all your posts, rants or not. I thought it was bad having meno twice, but I have to admit my daughter has it worse... She is very hormonal, and if that isn't bad enough... she has THREE TEENAGE daughters, who are hormonal also--in different stages! Talk about emotions from he**!! Actually, I feel for my SIL --he is still the kindest, gentlest guy! He deserves a kingdom of his own!

Pam in IL said...

Yea, that meno-crap gets me too. Hang in there!

Catherine said...

"Menotale" ~ gosh! you had me laughing as I am so on the verge of all of that and have signs popping up now and then...if I am half as bad as my mother was, then my boys are in for quite the ride! Wish I could have seen that gir's face! Hugs!

Catherine said...

"Menotale" ~ gosh! you had me laughing as I am so on the verge of all of that and have signs popping up now and then...if I am half as bad as my mother was, then my boys are in for quite the ride! Wish I could have seen that gir's face! Hugs!

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