Not all questions have answers, but we have a giveaway!

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE UPLIFTING AND MEANINGFUL COMMENTS!!

 Saturday.  No doctor visits, no tests today, trying to relax.  I have to say it is not easy.  There are times when ridding your mind of doubts should come easily, but do not.   Weeks of despair don't disappear overnight, unanswered questions and lack of confidence in information remain.  Normal I suppose.  But I won't feel safe in this retraction until I have blood proof that Covid is the cause.  Are they sure that it is not the beginning of IPF?  Am I being foolish?  Cautious?  Skeptical?   Why didn't a doctor (not the office staff) speak with me about what to expect?  Is this lung involvement at the end of the virus?  Start?  Does it matter?  Are the ground glass particles what fill with fluid quickly and become threatening as we so often hear?  Should I be looking for symptoms?  Should I be quarantined if I am to be tested again?  No one said Mark should be.  As one crisis seemed to resolve, should I be nonchalant about the lesser?   I thought the shaky and breathless mornings were from anxiety, but continued today.  I feel someone should be offering answers and at the very least, informing me of changes or symptoms to be wary of.  So as the fog is lifting, the questions keep coming.

Holding a needle is still tricky, a steady hand has not returned.  I managed to start Ewe & Eye's Christmas Sampler and already need to modify since I am two rows wider.  No big deal.  Changed the roof color to brown instead of green, and should have chosen a darker brown for the stag.  No big deal #2.  Easy fix.  Ranger brand archival ink to the rescue.  I just test on a cloth and very lightly brush the top of the already stitched threads to slightly darken and shade.  I use an artist's small flat angled brush for excellent control.

 My giveaway was to be an Erica Michael A&E large berry chart I recently purchased. but even though I test negative, I'm sure many of you may not be comfortable receiving it.  I use an aerosol spray (carefully as ink runs) and wipe the plastic bags for anything I mail, also for packages delivered to me.  But I understand it may limit participation ..... so ..... something not from my home would be best.  Twenty dollar gift certificate.  I love 123stitch, but as long as you verify that your shop choice offers GCs, you can choose.   Monday evening at 8pm EST, Random will put a smile on someone's face.  Leave your initials in your comment if anonymous to enter or enter by email.

Samplersandsantas@gmail.com

I hope your weekend is a good one as we crawl towards spring.

Stay safe!!

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Holy shit

It is with absolute joy that I report on the failure of my local doctors, hospitals, PAs, NPs that continued to deny this lung problem could be from Covid whenever I asked.   But it IS!!!  This  morning's CT scan by my request showed it is NOT IPF!!  I have groups of tiny glasslike particles in one lung as a result of Covid pneumonia, not definitive on an xray, yet a single xray is all this diagnosis was based on.  Being tested again, put on another round of antibiotics, told that they are not quite certain, but it does seem to be the cause of my cough and ill health.  And regardless of the hell they put me through, I am grateful.  

I am so sorry for the prior post.  The pros were so positive of IPF and I have been in a panic for weeks, and if I hadn't demanded a CT scan which they claimed was not necessary, we would continue believing the devastating diagnosis.

We're having a party baby!!  I'm picking out a few charts and gifts for the celebration.  Feeling poorly will in no way stop the exuberance and joy.  But If they call back to tell me another error was made, you should be able to hear the blast wherever you are.

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH.  YOUR COMMENTS BROUGHT TEARS TO MY DRY EYES AND I SAVED THEM IN A FILE, CLOSE TO MY HEART.

You have no idea how you've touched me.

The bitch is back baby!!!

p.s. to Sweet Ann. Card was already mailed, ignore the part about the wallet's return!!

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It is what it is

 
Introduction

IPF is a rare, incurable disease of the respiratory system during which fibrotic tissue and scars appear in the lungs. It leads to death within 2–5 years after the diagnosis.

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I have much to do.  Finish projects in order to sell the house, empty it, find another for Mark, accept leaving this good earth gasping for air, and deal with guilt of leaving Mark alone.  But I cannot.  I am stiff, but want to run.  I am shaking, but want to rest.  My voice is a mere whisper, but I want to scream.  I want answers, but there is no one to ask.  I don't think I will ever accept this.  The days of watching my father suffocate for two weeks with anxiety levels as high as the sky, and my sister calling 24/7 for months as she gasped for air, have never left, and now it will be my turn. 

I have been offered nothing to calm me, lost fifteen pounds in two weeks, have not slept.  No medication for fibrosis that allows more breath, will have to carry oxygen. and the final function tests are not scheduled for five weeks.  That's how long it took to go from no problem to breathless, so I am calling Cleveland and Pittsburgh recommendations, hoping to be seen sooner.  My rheumatologist for Sjogrens (which may be the cause), primary care, and cardiologist act like time doesn't matter, and it may not if there is no real treatment.  If any trials or experimental drugs offer hope, it will of course take our retirement fund for drugs because Medicare plans cover nothing.  Irrelevant.

So my dear sweet stitching pals and blogging buddies, I don't have the focus or mindset to continue.  Lots of linen and charts and samplers to offer, maybe when I find peace, I can come back for that.

 Thank you for your friendship over the last ten years.  I can't begin to explain how enjoyable, enlightening, inspiring, and better my life has been with you in it.

Love you. 

God bless.

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1807 Elizabeth Clayton

by HandWork Samplers

with modifications

I appreciate and thank you all for your caring and kind comments.

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A break

 Hi folks.  I am not one to handle bad news well.  Never have been. 

When I visited the ER in November, I had a chest x-ray, all was good.  Less than two months later, and coinciding with the Sjogren worsening,  I have bad news with both the top and bottom areas of my lungs which is why I am losing my breath.  If this could develop to this degree so fast, where am I headed?

Taking a break.  A photo of stitching progress many show up, but I really don't want to relay my fears or anger, and this will consume my thoughts for a while.  Additional tests are coming, but damage has already started and affected me in this short time.  

Thanks for your concern and friendship, I'll update when I can be an adult and face this as so many of you have done with your own crises.

Love you all.

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Velvet top

While throwing things in my sewing room, I came upon a protected pile of really nice small stitcheries looking for a permanent display.  One was EF 1837 with a lot of pinks.  Many beautifully finished drums with velvet tops have been gracing posts on IG with velvet tops so I may give it a go.  I found three velvets in pinks, of the three, the middle is least liked.  Showing both sides.

I had my xray today but the new doctor thinks it is interstitial lung disease from Sjogrens and a CT scan will be ordered for confirmation.  I am still hoping they are wrong but it doesn't seem so.  My doctor of twenty years will no longer see me since I visited another doctor.  I was thinking of a change but did not know that one visit to see if we connect would be reason for my original doctor to throw me off a cliff.  "Once you leave the practice, we unfortunately will not take you back".  EVER.  I guess one visit means I left without even telling them.  

So I'm going to be in a rotten funk this weekend.  ...............  What day is this?  Oh wait, January is still displayed.  February 2 is not on a weekend.  Doesn't matter, funk knows no days.

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