Moving on

 Thanks for your comments and thoughts.  Feeling a little better, she did get a car and out of sister's.  But still there.  Another month is ending (AUGH!!) and as with every month for the last twelve, she was told to be gone by the end.  That's Friday.  But she won't go, just as she hasn't the other eleven months.  I'm not sure if she knows the PA laws (prior post) and that's why she doesn't go, or if she is just that arrogant and knows the kids are on her side.  No, she is not taking her cats to her dad's tiny run down rental.  There are more kittens on the way, and I am so disgusted with the agencies here.  Nephew wants his son to stay in the house.  The latest insulin delivery method and sensors are amazing, his son is connected through his phone to monitor his dad's info and current glucose levels.  When nephew is exhausted from working too much, his sleep is deep, and the alarms sounding on his unit do not wake him.  His son, if not near enough, will call us or EMT to get to him quickly.  His drops are sudden and rapid, the pump stops the insulin drip at a set glucose reading, but levels continue to drop. We are more comfortable having his son there too.  

****************

Did I show my finish of Merry Old Soul?

DMC and overdyed red from Needle Necessities on 40 count Winter Brew.  I didn't do as may flakes as charted and changed one to another pattern because of an error.  Also added a gold stitch to the berries.

I've had vertigo off and on for over two weeks so stitching hasn't been daily.  Peppermint Pals pants were done 2.5 times because my errors weren't caught until the second color was added to the plaid.  Most were in the middle!  So at least half had to be frogged and redone several times.  Even had to change his shoes.  At least those corrections made the third color error free.

I'm anxious to start that little Folk Art Basket from Kitten Stitcher.  When I get really tired of the second leg of all the off white in this guy, I may set him aside and start it.

Where has summer run off to?  Good grief it will be August in two days!

Damn.  I'm not even tired of zucchini yet.

Hope your week is going well.

*********************

To conclude

Shortly after our loss, GF was going through her beautiful bedroom furniture.  I went to the house and took personal pieces that I wanted, she never made me feel that anything was taken by her.  The new dresses and clothing I recently bought sister, I offered to her.  Not interested in doing all of this so soon, I expected the bedroom door to be closed and slowly I would take time to complete the sorting task.  Son couldn't enter, but GF and the cats were in there all the time.  And then she moved into her bedroom.  I can imagine what condition it is in.

A few of my grandmother's and aunts' dishes or such, and sister's pink, yellow, and green depression glass which I want, are stored in the attic.  The first Christmas without her, I brought food for everyone to the house at time we specified.  GF had no napkins, flatware, serving spoons, nothing, on the table.  Paper plates and paper towels were given to me when I asked about dishes.  On Christmas Eve, when someone was bringing the food and cookies.  Do I think they will ever use the beautiful dessert dishes?  Sell them more likely.  I want them out of that house.  After winter passed, over and over I asked when would be a good time to come and look through the attic.  Excuse after excuse.  Her son, my nephew, was making it obvious that he didn't want me there.  I needed answers so started him on a guilt trip about all we have done for him over the years.  Finally.  He was embarrassed, disgusted, and couldn't face having us see the house.  How bad could it be?  I know she doesn't clean, but ......  He said you can't imagine.

I showed up last Christmas with their gifts, after grandson and GF were told to get the house cleaned up.   ...........  Flies, gnats, choking stench, cat feces everywhere.  Seriously.  Not a few spots she didn't notice .....  everywhere.  All the cats were roaming, no longer relegated to the basement.  Not her house, but as always, does what she wants.   She has the house to herself while the guys are at work and fire calls. No matter how many demands to get out, how many threats, how many screams, how many fights, she didn't move.  Their clothes and coats till stink.  The house reeks.  It's filthy.  Takes your breath away, and they can't smell it.

The kids?  This is what they are used to at their mother's trash heap.  Hard to believe, but the girl told her counselor that she can't stand how dirty her mother's house is which prompted another CYS visit.  Nothing done.  But their mother's is worse than this?  Both woman are not employed, have all day.  Son has been at end of rope, wanting to look for an apartment for himself to get out of his own house.  On Easter, he went into the mill to use their showers because his bathroom was disgusting.

To top it off, the yellow car I love and gave sister, was taken over by GF for over a year now.  Excuse?  Kids.  I wanted the car back, and also knew sister would NEVER agree to GF having her car.  If he took the keys from her, what if someone needed to be picked up from school, or counselor, or doctor?   This was killing me when I saw her driving around town.  And who is that with her?  Seems she has half-siblings, twins and another brother that were kept from us. Taxi service for the family.  Now I am boiling.

Where does it stand today?  She got a car and is packing to move in with her dad "until the house is cleaned".  If they let her back in, I'm done with them.   A dumpster was rented several months ago, most of the soiled carpet torn out, sofa that was eaten/destroyed by the Dane, all upholstered pieces gone from odor.  We still can't be at the house with that stench, even after carpet removal.  She loved that thick carpet, the sofa she found to match, all destroyed.  Really anything in the house needs trashed.  A service has to be called in to clean, paint, basement sprayed, new furniture, $$$$$$$.  Not a cent from her.  Why do they still like her?  Other than her pigness, she is sweet, kind, sensitive, kids love her.  They are so upset she is leaving.  But I'm sure she will be included in all events.  What about the cats and the two litters of kittens?  I am afraid to ask.  The last ultimatum was removal .... not one cat in the house, all outside.  But she brought several back with kittens.  Are they to physically remove her and bring harm to the kittens by shoving outside?  No agency here will help or offer solutions.  And no cleaning can be done until the source (cats) is gone.  She is still not cleaning the litter box.  Vicious circle.

Did I mention that she was going through son's drawers upstairs and stole money?  But she got caught and said she was sorry while tears flowed.  Funny how when I was close to ripping her face off, she didn't cry at all like when the guys yell.

Honestly, from what has transpired this last year, I do not believe she is leaving and not returning.  In a few days, I will delete these posts, but will mention the final outcome when it happens.  If ever.  I wish I could let this go, but I can't.  

******************

Before the conclusion

About her doctor ... hospice dosage is up to the prescribing doctor we were told.  We were also told she had several weeks of life left, but that was not a guarantee.  There were many issues, few options, and she was suffering with fear and pain. I don't want to get into details.  But no excuse for the way sister and us were treated, the hospital closed, doctor is retired. This "situation" is about GF, providing background about her ways to better understand.

We have no animal control agency.  We have one dog warden for several counties, Humane Society with no volunteers (only one person who recently quit), a shelter that is tiny and over burdened.  Our new shelter is close to completion, working on donations.  We checked from Erie to Pittsburgh and over to Ohio, most do not offer help to neighboring states.  Except for one litter initially, there were no options.  Still aren't.  Phone calls and emails just for advice aren't even returned.  Even though rescued, they were brought to a house and have been living there, so not considered homeless or stray.  Complicated the already bad situation.

 The next and final post won't be very long.

***********

Covid

Covid was definitely from them. Sister always had friends visiting, but once the cats came and stink overpowered the house, she didn't allow anyone to visit.  They spoke almost daily and kept asking to see her, but she was too embarrassed to explain. 

My hands were tied at sister's request, and I believe now it was because of fear.  Fear of GF getting upset enough to stop caregiving on the spot.  No notice, even though living there. Would that signal the agency to alert the doctor and she would be returned to the facility?  As beautiful and efficient as it was, it wasn't home.  Family was not considered at that time, to be eligible for mandatory caregiving.  An agency had to report that care was being given with those hours.  

Changing her as soon as needed was always done, and extremely important to sister, never had to wear incontinence briefs before.  As soon as she told GF, it was changed.  Really, the only thing she did but the most important to sister, not having to wait for someone on set hours.  I left the scolding and orders to stop her nonsense to grandson, it was him that brought her there, was closest to her, and sister couldn't get mad at me for ripping into GF.  Didn't matter.  She didn't see a problem.  Her previous boyfriend stayed at the demo place, took care of the cats until he left.  He abandoned them and left them to be razed with the home.  I don't know how she and grandson met and became a couple, don't care.

Because I cannot receive any vaccines and already dealt with a severe covid condition, husband did not want me near anyone infected.  I was keeping up by phone, she sounded fine but felt weak, and one morning, they called and asked if they should call an ambulance because she can't hold her head up and BP is extremely low.  YES you freaking idiots.  Were you watching her and getting what she needed or playing with cats?  They sent her home after a week, she was so weak and nauseous . We argued, they released anyway.

Once home, she was barely talking.  After the EMTs transferred her to her bed, she opened her eyes after being gone a week and said "what stinks?".  Her nose blindness had worn off in that time.  I answered "don't think it's from your room, the whole house reeks".  GF took offense and said "I don't have to listen to this".  I don't remember much after that but husband said I was an inch from her face.  Did she cry and whimper like she always does?  No.  She was smug, arrogant and said I ruined her birthday.  Accused me of upsetting sister by yelling. They all left to go celebrate her birthday and said she will get her hours in later.  Surprisingly, she wanted to go back to the facility.  She wanted to soak in their huge tub, have quiet time to read, enjoy a cup of coffee on their porch, heal peacefully with aides that became friends, and return home when the cats were gone.  If she returned on her own, she could go back home. If she returned on doctor orders because of home care, she would never go back home.  But she still tested positive and they wouldn't take her until negative.

A few days later, she was alert, feeling better, and couldn't stop talking about the best baked beans and hot dog she ever had that husband made for her (low salt and sugar of course).  We bought her favorite treat and drinks, took them over that afternoon, and there was nowhere to set them.  She filled sister's table with open cat food bags, water bowls, dishes filled with food, and toys.  I removed it all.  Home Health was coming the next day to check vitals and instruct caregiver on paperwork and reports so I made sure her room looked decent to prevent a bad report.  I told GF to clean the bathroom which they will check, pick up the sticks in the living room, and get those litter boxes cleaned.  She was not happy at all, some work was done.  By grandson.  I came for the meeting and checked the rooms, litter box was full, house smelled from disinfectant and sprays.  I told her to get the poop out of the box and put fresh litter in.  She stormed out and dumped the box into the garbage toter.  No scooping, no bags, just dumped it all in.  I settled myself down and pulled the chair near her bed, asked if she wanted something from what we brought.  Didn't expect any cream cheese filled brioche bread to be left, but the package was not opened.  GF never offered to get any for her.  But two adult cats were on the table and chewing at the cellophane wrapper.  Everything I removed the day before was back.  I threw the brioche in the trash. 

When the nurse came and was giving us a lecture and instructions, GF takes a tiny kitten and places it on sister's chest as she was lying in bed with the nurse by her side.  Put a tiny kitten on her chest.  "Look how cute".  The nurse said nothing, I was holding my tongue.  She couldn't take the time to pay attention to the nurse, the kittens were still her focus.

Two days later, I saw changes in vitals that I took twice daily, I called the nurse to come again.  Sister, nurse, and I agreed she needs to return to hospital.  Her doctor of 40 years seemed to think it best she expire, too many problems and she's 85, and told her so.  Bluntly.  When I finally got her to agree to hospice for her pain (she did not accept her condition), her doctor walked out of her room, ordered the morphine, and within ten minutes she was knocked out.  I told the nurse we would take a break for some air, hopefully she will be awake with less pain.  He said, "she will never wake up".  The amount he ordered, without telling us, would not give family a chance for goodbyes.  That was it.  And for months I could not stop the guilt, the doubts, the rage I felt toward the house situation, the doctor, and the words not spoken, nor could I sleep.  Losing her was unbearable but these thoughts made it worse which I didn't think possible.  

When son and grandson came here to tell me about her service and hours, they stepped out of the truck and I could choke on their cat urine odor clothing.  I yelled at both for going to the funeral home stinking like that, she would be so embarrassed!  And they didn't smell it at all.  For the following eighteen months, to this day, it is still the case.  And worse.  You can imagine what comes next, the situation I keep referring to.

**********************

Final months

 

There were kittens in the group that were taken to an agency an hour away, but they wouldn't take any more as the numbers grew.   No juveniles or adults were considered. Sister knew this was a disaster, but she saw a caring person trying to save these critters, and still wanted to be cautious and not lose her help.  Always an optimist, she thought they would find homes.  

Sister's bedroom was very large, enough room for the pieces we built to make it like a private apartment.  Mini fridge, coffee maker, desk/table for meals and books, comfy chairs by the windows for visitors, a peaceful quiet place to read and relax.  And now, two adult female cats and eight kittens, impossible to maneuver a motorized  chair around them.  GF spent all her time in sister's room playing with them and tried to secure them when the chair was used.  How can you be so callous to take over a disabled person's personal space, mobility, and ability to have friends visit?  She was more concerned about the kittens' welfare.

The day I brought meals for her without notice and opened the door to her room, the look on her face was again saying .... keep quiet.  I calmly said. "there is cat poop directly under her headboard, and kitten diarrhea under her table.  Easy to see on her ecru carpet".  Her response was "I'll get it" as she sat there playing with them.  Sister piped up quickly with "she'll take care of it, leave it, she'll get it", waving me out of the room.  Her house, her room, her caregiver, I was told over and over to stay out of it.  I wanted to scream. If someone could get me up from the floor I would get under the bed, clean it up, and throw the rags at her.  Furious, but also angry at my sister for strapping me.  But why?  Was she that afraid of losing the live-in help?  And she knew if I started this, I would finish it.  Was she worried about the kids' reaction?  Grandson's relationship?  This was not like her at all.  Whatever the reason, I couldn't sleep.  Seething, guilty, frustrated, torn.  If I had known sister was in her final weeks, GF would have been on an interstate berm with her thumb out.  I would not give a damn if the kids would be devastated.

I was getting to a breaking point, and affecting my health.

Her son works a lot of overtime and with volunteer fireman obligations, kids' sport events, not home much.  Always called on the way home to ask what she would like him to get for her.  Before all this, he kept the house clean and orderly.  There was tension and loud discussions with his son about the messy unkempt house where he, his kids every other week, and his GF were living with no costs whatsoever.  Attempts to remedy were lax and infrequent.  Sister was upset also, talked to the two about it, but didn't want hard feelings to cause a problem.  The cats were also a hot topic. One son, one grandson.  I saw the change in her when coming home.  Independent, outgoing, never afraid of new things, new people, loads of friends.  But losing both legs changed her. Needing assistance to even get from her chair in and out of bed, personal care, the back pain from constant sitting, and the phantom pain wouldn't leave.  But she still went to the kitchen and cooked their favorite meals after adjusting to being home.  Her beloved house?  Didn't seem like hers anymore.  It was her .... and five other mobile active people.  To sit in peace and read her books or talk with friends while watching the woodline and birds, couldn't happen unless they were all out, the floor was cleared, and the Dane in her cage.  What haunts me to this day, is the look on her face when husband and I came to visit during that peace, and starting choking.  I told her our throats were burning from the ammonia air, we couldn't stay.  We walked out and she was sitting in her chair with a look I can't forget.  That was our last opportunity before her downfall.

Once I heard grandson brought covid home, I knew she would get it also.  Hospitals, doctor offices, labs, nursing home, never infected.  It would be the dirty knobs and handles and doors and glasses and dishes and hands that would.  Masks don't prevent contact transmission.  You have to wash your filthy hands.  With vaccines and every follow up booster, I didn't expect it to be life threatening.  I was wrong.

Do you think GF could leave the kittens for a while and go sit with her since she was already exposed?  Or spend the time to thoroughly clean the crap and dust her room before she comes home from the hospital?  Or did she take the opportunity to allow more cats upstairs?

*****************

Meow mix

We were told that GF received an urgent call from a friend needing help to rescue a few cats from a home that was scheduled for demolition.  The landlord had no intention to save them.  Sister has always had cats, devastated when they passed, and felt these needed rescued but an agency should be contacted.  GF said she would bring them there, sister said my house, sorry, but no.  They can't keep up with the smallest of home keeping tasks and taking care of more pets she knew would not happen.  GF went to the location, found several dead, no food, no water, the smell was unbearable.  She brought three home.  Sister said NO, told grandson, NO.  Next two weeks, every day, she went there to bring more cats home.  No matter what she was told, she did what she wanted.  Grandson was furious and came home from work to find more, she continued.  Thirty?  Who knows for sure.  They were hiding in the basement.  We could not in good conscience throw them outside to fend for themselves.  They were born and raised indoors, never out.  She got two litter boxes for dozens of cats and cleaned them as often as she dusted.   Not neutered, spraying ensued, the house reeked even though it was the basement.  We could not visit without choking.  Sister and the others became nose blind, and did not smell this at all.  Seriously.  They though we were making it up.  I was livid that we could not spend time there. The contractor I hired to increase the deck and move her ramp smelled it outside. Raised voices became screams.  GF whimpered, cried, having a sweet disposition and never a harsh word, they felt guilty doing so.  Didn't matter.  No agency would take them after a wide search including some in the neighboring state.  Neutering needing to be done and because of my generous and caring friends donating, plus our funds, they were over a two month period.  We thought.  She kept several females that she thought may be pregnant.  And then hell broke loose.  I learned there is such a thing as a cat hoarder.

It wasn't until much later that we found out the cats, the condemned dwelling, were hers.  It was her old landlord that called, not a friend.  The old boyfriend was also on the lease and had left there a month earlier.  She claimed she didn't want to get him in trouble by reporting abandoning the cats.  Why not?  But I also realized the habits (or lack of) that she had caused a home to be scheduled for demolition, unable to be salvaged because of filth.  Oh no.  Where are we headed?

She never once offered to help with house expenses, cable, her phone that was put on their family plan, the food, the housekeeper help doing her job for her, nothing.  She had a new lease on a car that her sister needed, and took, and never returned.  GF continued making the payments, afraid of upsetting her sister.  Can you hear my blood boiling?  Two people that have caused her distress, used her for their benefit, given her nothing in return, she complies with their wants. The family that is giving her everything, she defies and disregards.  If GF left, the cats would stay.  No rental would allow that number of cats.  And how would the kids feel, losing someone they are so attached to, not to mention sister's full time caregiver when no one else is available or competent?  Agencies were (and still are) so desperate for help that just about anyone was hired to help vulnerable elderly. The offer from mom's agency was no longer, the woman retired. The apples in that cart were feeling my rage so strongly that the worms left in fear.  But I had no idea how much worse it would get.

************************