Kaleidoscope Vision?

 Yes there is such a thing and it can scare the bejeebers out of you.  One of many disturbances called ocular migraines that may or not accompany headaches.  They usually disappear within 30 minutes.  The one I just experienced looked like a C-shaped kaleidoscope and is already increasing in size, ready to leave.  Whew.  

My Covid antibody test also came back negative, I am trying to get in to one of the two pulmonologists here for a talk.  The PA of my PCP office scheduled an appointment for two weeks.  Maybe because I have an autoimmune, my system would not create antibodies since it's too busy attacking me.

I have changed colors (big surprise) and also where they go.  This fabric was self dyed and it's very close to Winter Brew.  As always, the light threads do not show well enough for me, even using white.  When the stitches on 36 or 40 are so small, they get lost.  I need to come up with something for those motifs but haven't as yet.  Already two shades of green, two of brown, two reds, one gold that isn't bold enough.  

Snowflakes will be double thread of white, and as I'm typing this, 3790 or 3021 is popping into my head for a few of the motifs.  Very dark, but might be a good alternative.  I already darkened the stag with the archival ink, but if a very dark gray/brown is added to this design, I think I will remove and stitch him again. 

The wagon wheels are different than eyelet because they are outlined with full stitches except for the corners.  These are three stitches high inside so the spokes are not over two. 

Bud is still enjoying the attention he's getting, but we may have to make a decision soon.  He is so thin and we've tried everything.

Have a good day.

Stay safe.

***********************

Wagon wheels

Everyone OK?  Safe, warm, healthy?  Balding and bitchy?  It's all good.  Especially when you order new gutchies (big girl panties).   Could it be a year of staying home, or the fact that I'm older and boring, maybe the lack of shopping in person, that results in underwear bringing excitement to my life?  Nope.  It's the simple things, the comfort you feel when nothing is binding, riding, or digging.  And coughing until you choke requires extra pairs.  My front loading washer is huge and small loads don't move.  Would be wonderful if I needed new because I lost fifteen pounds.  Thirteen.  A little over ten.  Losing your appetite will certainly change the scale.  But then your mood lifts, you have a few meals, and there ya go.  Those pounds are back before the food hits your stomach.  

So what's that have to do with wagon wheels?  Not a damn thing.  But as I struggled after removing more floss than adding it, my satin stitched apples (?) were horrible.  I tried various stitches, but then decided to just find the center and go round, like an uneven overgrown eyelet.  I am really pleased with the result.  Using the same color as the house was quite boring so I changed to a brighter red.

Sweet!!

Have a good day and stay safe!!

***********************

Snow, sleet, rain, ice

Be careful!!   The white crap is treacherous tonight!  Got our meds, another Covid test, a full freezer, and we'll be safe for a few days.

The name attached to the number drawn was Carolyn CHM.  Please contact me with your preference of shop and we'll get that GC taken care of!  Thanks everyone.  As soon as I get my clearance of second Covid negative, I will offer the berry chart.  I've been ill since Christmas so I believe the virus has left me (with pneumonia!).

No stitching to show.  Why?  You can't believe the number of mistakes!  It looks to be aligned properly now so I can move on as soon as the eyes cooperate.  Surely won't be leaving the house!  Tomorrow will be a nalesniki day, one batch cheese and one batch jelly.

Stay safe everyone!  

******************

Not all questions have answers, but we have a give *way!

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE UPLIFTING AND MEANINGFUL COMMENTS!!

 Saturday.  No doctor visits, no tests today, trying to relax.  I have to say it is not easy.  There are times when ridding your mind of doubts should come easily, but do not.   Weeks of despair don't disappear overnight, unanswered questions and lack of confidence in information remain.  Normal I suppose.  But I won't feel safe in this retraction until I have blood proof that Covid is the cause.  Are they sure that it is not the beginning of IPF?  Am I being foolish?  Cautious?  Skeptical?   Why didn't a doctor (not the office staff) speak with me about what to expect?  Is this lung involvement at the end of the virus?  Start?  Does it matter?  Are the ground glass particles what fill with fluid quickly and become threatening as we so often hear?  Should I be looking for symptoms?  Should I be quarantined if I am to be tested again?  No one said Mark should be.  As one crisis seemed to resolve, should I be nonchalant about the lesser?   I thought the shaky and breathless mornings were from anxiety, but continued today.  I feel someone should be offering answers and at the very least, informing me of changes or symptoms to be wary of.  So as the fog is lifting, the questions keep coming.

Holding a needle is still tricky, a steady hand has not returned.  I managed to start Ewe & Eye's Christmas Sampler and already need to modify since I am two rows wider.  No big deal.  Changed the roof color to brown instead of green, and should have chosen a darker brown for the stag.  No big deal #2.  Easy fix.  Ranger brand archival ink to the rescue.  I just test on a cloth and very lightly brush the top of the already stitched threads to slightly darken and shade.  I use an artist's small flat angled brush for excellent control.

 My giveaway was to be an Erica Michael A&E large berry chart I recently purchased. but even though I test negative, I'm sure many of you may not be comfortable receiving it.  I use an aerosol spray (carefully as ink runs) and wipe the plastic bags for anything I mail, also for packages delivered to me.  But I understand it may limit participation ..... so ..... something not from my home would be best.  Twenty dollar gift certificate.  I love 123stitch, but as long as you verify that your shop choice offers GCs, you can choose.   Monday evening at 8pm EST, Random will put a smile on someone's face.  Leave your initials in your comment if anonymous to enter or enter by email.

Samplersandsantas@gmail.com

I hope your weekend is a good one as we crawl towards spring.

Stay safe!!

**********************

Holy shit

It is with absolute joy that I report on the failure of my local doctors, hospitals, PAs, NPs that continued to deny this lung problem could be from Covid whenever I asked.   But it IS!!!  This  morning's CT scan by my request showed it is NOT IPF!!  I have groups of tiny glasslike particles in one lung as a result of Covid pneumonia, not definitive on an xray, yet a single xray is all this diagnosis was based on.  Being tested again, put on another round of antibiotics, told that they are not quite certain, but it does seem to be the cause of my cough and ill health.  And regardless of the hell they put me through, I am grateful.  

I am so sorry for the prior post.  The pros were so positive of IPF and I have been in a panic for weeks, and if I hadn't demanded a CT scan which they claimed was not necessary, we would continue believing the devastating diagnosis.

We're having a party baby!!  I'm picking out a few charts and gifts for the celebration.  Feeling poorly will in no way stop the exuberance and joy.  But If they call back to tell me another error was made, you should be able to hear the blast wherever you are.

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH.  YOUR COMMENTS BROUGHT TEARS TO MY DRY EYES AND I SAVED THEM IN A FILE, CLOSE TO MY HEART.

You have no idea how you've touched me.

The bitch is back baby!!!

p.s. to Sweet Ann. Card was already mailed, ignore the part about the wallet's return!!

******************

It is what it is

 
Introduction

IPF is a rare, incurable disease of the respiratory system during which fibrotic tissue and scars appear in the lungs. It leads to death within 2–5 years after the diagnosis.

***********************

I have much to do.  Finish projects in order to sell the house, empty it, find another for Mark, accept leaving this good earth gasping for air, and deal with guilt of leaving Mark alone.  But I cannot.  I am stiff, but want to run.  I am shaking, but want to rest.  My voice is a mere whisper, but I want to scream.  I want answers, but there is no one to ask.  I don't think I will ever accept this.  The days of watching my father suffocate for two weeks with anxiety levels as high as the sky, and my sister calling 24/7 for months as she gasped for air, have never left, and now it will be my turn. 

I have been offered nothing to calm me, lost fifteen pounds in two weeks, have not slept.  No medication for fibrosis that allows more breath, will have to carry oxygen. and the final function tests are not scheduled for five weeks.  That's how long it took to go from no problem to breathless, so I am calling Cleveland and Pittsburgh recommendations, hoping to be seen sooner.  My rheumatologist for Sjogrens (which may be the cause), primary care, and cardiologist act like time doesn't matter, and it may not if there is no real treatment.  If any trials or experimental drugs offer hope, it will of course take our retirement fund for drugs because Medicare plans cover nothing.  Irrelevant.

So my dear sweet stitching pals and blogging buddies, I don't have the focus or mindset to continue.  Lots of linen and charts and samplers to offer, maybe when I find peace, I can come back for that.

 Thank you for your friendship over the last ten years.  I can't begin to explain how enjoyable, enlightening, inspiring, and better my life has been with you in it.

Love you. 

God bless.

********************