Thank goodness

 I never washed my windows.  Our cement like clay soil is creating more dust than we expected.  They are getting close to the deck and should finish it all today.  The septic pump company owner has been helped by husband (he's a hydraulic whiz) over the years so when we called, he came right out to empty the holding tank and the lines could be connected today.  We've seen the neighbors on the highway progress and I guess the state (they mandated this) doesn't check because the required 8" of gravel below the pipe is not being installed.  Same company doing all of those installations, six houses, on a state highway.  And we begged to allow a variance so we don't have to destroy property, told absolutely not, regulations must be followed.  Sure.  The less responsible you are these days, the more you benefit. 

Right now the machine is pounding the 4" thick cement patio to break it up and I feel the vibration on the floor.  I've always wanted to operate a bobcat but don't want to interrupt their work by destroying the gears.

Oh no.  Mark just came in and said the pipe from mom's section is broken.  That's it.  Next time, government can kiss my ass, I'm doing what we want like everyone else.    

Filling the eight foot deep trench and lawn repair is not important right now. 

Doc visit yesterday did not happen.  I waited 85 minutes for her to come into the exam room, and decided to leave.  My eyes have been horrible, fluorescent lights and air conditioning make them worse, and I was not sitting there any longer.  I am returning at 8am tomorrow. still not sure if I will stay with this office since I am not comfortable with any of the medical staff after that fiasco.

And this is what the equipment did on this extremely hot day.  Asphalt from the melting road on the new concrete drive that was installed after they tore out the original.  A forever reminder since the concrete had not been sealed yet.  But the installers had the concrete on their boots and walked over the old drive so it's white footprints on the dark aged section, a real mess anyway.  The kids from this company left the 2" gravel in place and threw some dirt and seed over it.  When we told them the gravel had to be removed, grass needs a layer of dirt, they smirked and continued.  All that work was from the company that installed the main lines along the road, and they can't get anyone to work, so it is what it is. 

Have a good ending to my favorite month.  It's gone, passed before I realized. 

Now that this nightmare is coming to a close, I hope to stitch tonight.

*****************

Am I going to jail

 if I snatch an IG photo to share with you?   Probably.  But if people can go into stores and steal whatever they want without consequence, I should be able to steal a photo with credit to owner.  Ya think?  Stonestreet Stitchworks posted this of Mary Taylor Stackney 1828 by Lila’s Studio.  Another one of those Holy Crap look at this moments that make you add a project to the growing list of Holy Crap I will never stitch all these.  Not only did I not pay attention to this repro before, the appeal wasn't great to this simple marking sampler lady.  What a difference it makes once again to see thread on linen compared to a chart photo. 

I continued on without changes to the green in my current work, it's fine for now.  Honestly having problems with concentrating, attention, and symbols so I may just use whatever floss color happens to slide onto the floor.

And so it begins.  Tomorrow morning on the day I am finally getting in to my doctor.  Mark will need to stay here, they are crossing all utility lines, so I hope it won't be sunny since I will have to drive myself.

The right side is coming from mom's addition (former garage), circle is the tank which will be destroyed, and the line beneath the deck comes from the house extending to meet the other.  Petey is in the middle right now but will bolt tomorrow I'm sure.

We rode out to see Carole today with more stuff that she wants and doesn't need.  I ordered three bed jackets to cover those nasty hospital gowns, along with a lightweight pink comforter and blanket, all coming Tuesday.  Never ordered so much in my life and should have kept track for returns and credits.  Her Stitchin' by the Bay bag is still terribly wrinkled, even after stretching, blocking, steaming, and cussing. 

I hope your week starts swell and doesn't finish with too many bangs.  Except for sparklers, I am not one to enjoy neighborhood fireworks.  And neither are the animals, tame or wild.  We saw a dead mama doe on the highway to the nursing home, breaks your heart knowing babies are desperately needing her and won't survive.

Be safe, be well, be bitchy when needed.

***********************

Stitchin' by the Bay

 was close to causing Fire by the Stairs.  Damn.  This extremely heavy canvas bag that can stand by itself even when filled with heavy items, was splattered with blood during a hospital visit.  A port entry decided to play fire hose and sprayed everywhere.  I used liquid Biz and peroxide, and the bag actually held water, but a thorough rinse was needed.  A brief run through the washer and it's completely clean, but what a wrinkled mess. My steamer in the unused tiny bathroom did nothing, so I moved to the next room where my ironing board is set up.  Nothing helped, tried everything.  I want it to stand again!  How about inserting a box to shape it?   No way I would have one that was a perfect fit. ....  I'll be damned, I do!  Inside is the motion light Mark will install on Carole's back porch tomorrow.  Still can't shape/stretch the bottom back to flat but we'll cut a board tomorrow.

I am on the phone with her and a strange beeping starts.  Outside?  Where is it coming from?  A search for a brat that may be up to no good takes me up the steps where I realize it's the fire alarm.  Not the usual alarm pattern, more of a random disco beat.  The steamer was still plugged in with an extension cord that was too hot to touch.  No smoke, so maybe that pattern is for heat?  Getting a new one just to be sure, it is older.  Like me.  Could have been a disaster if I had gone to bed early as I have been since we use mom's bedroom, furthest from the stairs and would not have heard it.  We also sleep with the door closed because brats roam.  That was close!

This bag was my SIL's, an extraordinary needlewoman, and 2007 is the year she passed.  I wish I hadn't had to wash it but there was no other option.  We've lost so many small and large businesses here, I don't even know if we have a dry cleaner left.  

Restrictions for SNF visiting were lifted and we are now offered morning until 7:30 pm and three people at a time.  I took my salon equipment and cut her hair (five months of growth), in the bed, and all hairs were contained in the cape.  She's happy.  My mom was bedridden her last year here and I had a cape with a raised edge for her cuts and shampoos.  So where is it?

Have a great weekend folks.  Last one of June.

*******************

All set

 The beautiful green wasn't working for me with the 500's.  After removing half of the floss bags from their box, I think that series will be good even though I'm tired of it.  So I chose new greens that go very nicely with the teals, less yellow and very complimentary.  You can see the difference compared to the green stitching in the border.  Should not matter at all in a sampler but you know I have a phobia regarding color.

Changed a few others for this linen background, and we're good to go.

Wait a minute.  That doesn't look so bad with the 3346 does it?

Good grief I have a problem don't I?

Thanks for the birthday wishes!

****************

Starting a new decade

  Seventy.  Holy crap.  

How old do you have to be before you stop making the same mistakes over and over?

I'm considering a new start to the sampler.  Even though I love the green, the following row's chosen colors aren't great with it. That 501 series has been in several of the last projects, I'm tired of it.  And the conversion charts for GAST to DMC can sometimes be way off so before I get too far along, I'd like to look up the skeins online and try to find my own DMC match.  And it would help if I did not put 6 strand cuts in the wrong bags.  I wondered why the reds were so different, I had several pieces of 22 in the 3721 bag.  Happened before and will again.

If you're wondering how the sewer project developed into such a large price tag, the tap in fee is $3000.  The excavating down seven feet, a twelve inch layer of gravel, the plastic pipe, and pushing the dirt back in is $7200.  Breaking up and removing the stamped concrete patio, removing deck boards and joists, and running a second line from mom's added bath, $3400.  To have the 1000 gallon tank emptied and filled with dirt from a sanitary company, $500. To replace the deck joists and top boards, smooth the former patio area so we can walk on it, and hiring a landscaper to remove the three foot pile of removed soil along one hundred feet and rake and seed the lawn, we don't even have a price yet.  Mark started on the deck to save some bucks but the screws break when removing and a pry bar is needed to pop them off.  Not good for anyone's back when one lets loose.

Yesterday my eyes were so bad I could not look up at the shelves in Lowes, nor peruse the plants at the garden center.  I could only look down and when the sun reflected on concrete, Mark had to steer me because I could not see.  He took me back this morning during rain and clouds to get a yellow petunia to add to the barrels.  They usually die but this is a new variety that promises to be outstanding.

 Carole was told by the SNF doctor this morning that both legs will need to be removed.  It was mentioned in CC, not certain, and I wish he would not have said that.

I'm making myself one of my favorite cakes today, the chocolate zucchini bundt.  It's in the oven now, did not have time today.  I never really celebrated birthdays.  Good thing!!  With only a few family members, most of whom forget, that would be pretty upsetting.  
https://marlanco.blogspot.com/2014/09/chocolate-zucchini-bundt-cake.html

After waiting for Amazon deliveries and another storm to dissipate, we drove out to give Carole the items she requested.  Really nice cosmetic bags with handles for the new hooks to hold, a larger mirror and folds flat into a vinyl case perfect for the tray table, and a few other dookies.  The magnetic hooks we found that hold 28# work really well on the inside of the tray's support leg, out of the way but easily reached, and is holding a large hardcover with ease.  All of her toiletries, necessities, notebooks glasses and pens, all have their own bag on a hook.  Perfect for those that are confined yet have everything within reach.

Hope you had a nice day.

*******************

 

Thin and sweet

 Finally a morning that I did not need a jacket, so I sat on the swing and started Lucy Beam's sampler.  I have a preference for narrow pieces, seem to be less tedious when a row ends quickly.  A sampler with only four rows but great width, would be frustrating for me.  This is very narrow and should be an enjoyable project.

Of course I changed a few colors but only slight variations to work with the linen.

The beautiful facility that Carole is in is the same as before this last trip to CC.  She was in a different section dedicated to short term stays and rehab, and on a different floor.  The 105 year old is known as the candy lady, and passes it out to other residents and wishes them well daily.  Carole said she can't walk at 82 and this gal is all over the place at 105!!  God bless her!

Some of you questioned the problem with her legs.  You can skip this if you know.  
Three weeks before March 1, her lower legs and feet swelled and were very painful when walking.  Bonehead that she is, waited to see her doctor.  Her son took her since she could barely walk, and that appointment on March 1 turned into a trip to the hospital.  Hasn't been home since.  There was one blister on the right toe, nothing else.  They performed an angiogram and diagnosed peripheral artery disease, one blockage in the right and three in the left.  After waiting a full week for a bed in Cleveland to have the procedure (usually done as outpatient) which couldn't be done here, it turned into a completely different issue.  Well, she was there for two days and to everyone's surprise, she had an intra-aortic balloon in her heart to keep her alive, kidneys failed, and her second TAVR (aortic valve) was put OVER the first one.  Mitral is critical too, but she would not survive general anesthesia.  Once released from ICU with delirium, they continued to save her life for another twelve days, and did not treat the blockages.  She returned here on April 3, and the left legs and toes started to blacken, continued for over four weeks. We didn't realize the extent since her legs were always covered, and Covid lockdown prevented visits.  Her docs knew, and I begged for an earlier appointment because they couldn't manage her pain.  Five weeks later she went to CC for the appointment and they kept her, worked on the left, restored some flow, but there is extensive damage and necrosis.  Earlier intervention would not have had the same result.  After that second TAVR, her echo went from 37% to 24%, and what should have been one night after the procedure required twelve days before discharge. The right leg is excruciating, worsening, and we are wondering if this one will be lost too.  They will not open the blockage, said she is not in good health.  So we wait another month,  But don't understand how she would be considered for general anesthesia and the hours involved with amputation, but not the treat the right so she doesn't lose both.  They are the best, but we still don't comprehend.  She is accepting the loss which will be within months, but is asking why if the pain has lessened and flow returned.  It's been a circle of confusion and frustration for us, and devastating to her asking for help, especially with lingering delirium.  Wherever she is, they insist she can sit, she cannot!  PAD pain is commonly during rest, not movement, hers is the opposite.  The main cause of the this condition is smoking (we were told), they can't believe she never did.  

Storm brewing here on a hot and humid day.  June will be ending very soon.

Hope your weekend was enjoyable.

***************

A nice layout

 Carole seems to be settling into the new room at the SNF.  They put her in a regular room so the remaining 40 days of rehab paid by Medicare can be used after her surgery.  ...... Wait a minute.  When Medicaid takes over, those rehab days will be gone anyway.  It took me a full week of phone calls, tearing her house apart, requesting, and copying all the documents to apply, even though her income is half of the poverty level.  I haven't worked that hard or done that much research in decades.  We visited this morning for the designated hours, with a vanilla iced coffee from McD's and a lousy cheesecake from me.  I have no idea why it turned out like mush.  Her roomie is 105, there is another lady at 110 down the hall, and 106 off another hall. 

This is the room layout for residents which is quite nice and private for a double room, and a curtain can be pulled at each doorway if you prefer being alone.  The other locals are closer to home but have a two bed hospital type room.  It really is a beautiful place with every type of senior accommodation.  But we still wish the right leg was treated so she could move on.

The loss of those gowns was not from WW.  After six weeks and several inquiries I did receive the credit.  And I will never use prepaid labels for returns through a "shipping agent" that I cannot track.  The adaptive gowns were for bedridden patients so I can't imagine why they would be snatched, but we know where they disappeared.

Here's a few snaps of this lovely and massive senior community, offering every type of care from stand alone house, to apartment, to assisted, to memory, to rehab, to full skilled.  On a hill in the country.

End of the hall right off her room,  I so wish she could sit in a wheelchair and enjoy the view.  So may areas have balconies or recessed porches.

The long hall upon entering to reach elevator to rooms, offering a view of the outdoor patios, fountains, and landscaping the entire length. The amenities, salon, spa, exercise room are all in the area, the outdoor grounds are very large and meticulous, completely encircled by buildings.

The interior is outstanding,  divided lite double oak doors throughout, several rooms for small and large parties, comfortable and large gathering rooms for residents, and excellent care. 

Enjoy your day.

********************

So what can I buy with $4?

 
The equipment is here to tear up the yard for the $15000 sewer mandate and I need to move my black scallop ajuga.  I adore that plant and never found it offered locally again.  Very low and tight growth, lovely blue flower spikes in spring.  Spring?  When was that?  Oh yes, nearing the end of June aren't we?

 My flowers are slowly croaking and the multi colored mini tunia is half dead.  The white variety never fails to thrive and they are doing well in the front.  So I stopped at Lowe's and bought the plug packs of pink begonias to stick in the barrels, they should be a nice size by the time the pink petunia dies (or the equipment destroys them).  No sign, but they priced at one half.  First financial break in months, even if it was only $4!  Still no recovery on that fricking $60+ nightgown and the other one.

I had to drop off pages and pages of copies for the Medicaid program which Carole reluctantly needs.  My government offices are still not open to the public, but for the second time, it appears they aren't open to employees either.  They are in the stores and restaurants and bars, but they certainly can't take the chance to sit six feet away from a person in need that has been paying their salary and benefits.  In stark contrast, the bank employee went over and above her job, and I am extremely grateful, and will certainly let them know.

Carole is discharged today with many appointments scheduled for follow ups.  They said her left leg is at this time not life threatening and she could wait a few months to accept the surgery.  Not treating the right, which if done, would prevent the destruction and loss as what happened to the left.  No longer in rehab, she will have a room mate, not happy at all about that.  Of course, that is up to me to change it regardless of the countless calls that explain I cannot.  Not diagnoses, treatments, locations, time, medications, and now $$$ with self pay admission.  Everything is running on empty. 

I keep up with little Levi's site on FB and a sampler caught my eye.  Jeny Brimer was searched and searched and finally I found out that Milady's Needle will be releasing it.  First time in months I actually had a resolution to a query!  Another interesting but uncomplicated sampler of manageable size.  Sweet.

Hope you have a good weekend!

*************

Annabelle

 

Obviously more tasty than Limelight.  You would think a hydrangea is a hydrangea, but just like corn, it may look the same while growing but be very different.   

Right next to Annabelle, the Limelight never loses a leaf, year after year.

Nothing good right now in Cleveland and we may be making a trip this afternoon.

********************

Back then

 Brings a tear to my eye to see the sadness in mom's.

Found while searching through old documents to apply for aid.

*********************

Before I know it

 it will be Christmas.  My cardiologist made a follow up appt for me in six months and it's right before Christmas!  That smacked me across the forehead.  Just as turning 70 next week will.  

 My PTP fabric was in stock when I ordered by not when it shipped so this is what I got in the mail.  My older piece of Aztec Red is darker, more red than orange.

So after Carole goes through upper and lower GI testing Thursday and any issues found resolved during, she may be coming back this weekend.  In a month, she will schedule surgery for amputation.  They all agree that even though blood flow was restored, well, I'm not a vascular doctor and don't understand.  They said she is too ill with her weak heart and other problems to correct the right, but OK to do major surgery?  There will be many many many future trips to see docs there and we're hoping the right will not need to be removed also.  If they would not have waited so long for the left, it would have been saved.  I hope that is not the case with the right but they refuse to attempt, even with her request. Today's nurse asked why I'm not visiting.  Well, I can't pull off the road every 15 minutes to add drops to my eyes during an almost two hour drive, the ER visit before transfer to CC caused a problem because they could not calm her down after I left, and if not in danger I would prefer to spend the few thousand for the hotel room during the surgery. 

 I've had so much spam including porn come to me with my gmail that is linked to my blog, nothing on my other email addresses so it is from Google.  At the same time there was also $430 to GoFundMe ???? and several subscription services around $20 a month that I never ordered on the card I use online, had to close my credit cards.  I won't mention who GoFundMe was for but I can say a hateful non worthy cause.  All fraud charges were refunded, but when it's coming from several sources, no choice but to shut it down.

I hope your week started swell.

**********************

OXY moron

 Please don't mistake my frustration and rants as all caused by medical pros.  These hospitals are some of the best in the country, but short staffing with full capacity is tough for them to deal with.  And we've encountered the same issues time and time again.  Except for three nurses who went over her entire chart and understood her agony because of it.  Not all do, not all think it's necessary as they treat the current issue, not all have the time.  Listening for months to her sobbing and begging for help weakens us, rubs us raw, and any additional issue needing resolution makes us bleed a little more.  

I just got another call from her frustrated nurse, to reason with Carole. She said the doctor thinks she can handle a 300 mg dose of gaba every 6 hours (higher than ever), Tylenol between.  And we all learned something.  The delirium of mammoth proportion caused her to not realize the pain she was in without drugs.  Prior sobbing was for help and of fear, last night was of pain.  The delirium was slowly leaving and making her more aware, probably why pain meds weren't considered since she never complained.  Late morning, she was still on a naval vessel with her crew (yesterday on a bike at Eagle Point), but could converse and joke.  And then .... this last call was because reality returned and demanded OXY.  And when trying to trick her into believing that was not her usual drug, crystal clear dosage, days, location, frequency, spewed from that sailor's mouth.  I guess the vessel has docked and the crew disembarked.  Isn't that amazing?  Elderly need opioids to allow better quality of life, but she was in rehab expecting more surgery, and this may be a problem detoxing in the next few days.  She claims this large dose of the gaba is not working at all but the OXY will.  Now I have to wonder if she should return there after Cleveland.  The facility offered excellent therapy, beautiful building and grounds, but did not honor our request to use another drug and not allow additional doses when asked.

 The transfer to main campus is in the works as of 4 pm, the meds are handled, and I was quite impressed with Carole's lucid response to that doctor.  She said she has gone through hell for months, surgery, therapy, pain, necrosis, immobility.  He is wrong if he thinks it was all for naught and he can take her leg, she's not giving up just yet.  Exactly.  Unless your life is in jeopardy, give yourself a chance to improve.

So I just wanted to explain that yes, there are many things that should and could be handled differently, but I am so expended after months of stress and anguish for what she has endured, that I am at the end of my tolerance level.  Some incidents and decisions I will not forgive, but I can't change.  And if they are being truthful, she will go back to the main hospital and I'll stay at the hotel, and we can get answers now, not wait another month.  Even if not treated this week, knowing what to expect and when will make a huge difference.  And in my extensive research on this disease, procedures, and outcomes, I found an interesting treatment to save limbs at University Hospital down the road from the Clinic.  Whether she would be a candidate, we don't know, but may schedule a consult if we have no other options.

So please forgive my meltdowns, they don't belong on a stitching blog.  I said I wasn't going to keep mentioning this but dammit, it's consumed my life for months and taken over.  I hope to do a little stitching tonight, I'm sure there will be calls asking why she can't get the OXY and nothing else is working, but at least she is back on earth.  And docked.  I will pack a project or two to take if they decide to proceed and there is a ridiculously expensive room for me.  And maybe I can catch up on all of you.  Haven't read blogs or much for months, and I'm hoping there were no heartbreaks or troubles for anyone in that time.  

Good night!!

******************

Resilience

My favorite Blue Angel hostas can handle a deluge and have it disperse to small beads beautifully reflecting light, not entering the leaf to weaken it, pull it down, bend its supporting stem.  This morning after the storm, protected and unaffected by the water, I feel saturated to my core, my legs soggy, my insides limp.  Not from hours of tears that I cannot produce, but the emotion that causes them.

The phone calls yesterday were continuous, and with hospital delirium the worst anyone has experienced, extremely unnerving.  I actually hung up on her twice, she was threatening me and sounded like Linda Blair in the Exorcist.  Really.  A half hour later she was crying asking for help because she is alone and doesn't know what's happening.  All during the night unable to handle the pain and afraid to sleep because of the visions.  Thank you medical profession for realizing that patients needing help to handle their own situational anxiety and prevent stress related damage, are not worth a few .5 Ativan a week.  Thank you for assuming that being responsible my entire life will create an addict on a minute dose during those extremely upsetting days, or allow me to get a few hours of rest.  Fifteen pills in 60 days, and I can't get a refill.  

She is not being transferred to the main campus on Euclid, they will release her with another damaging move back to a nursing home and make an appointment to see another doctor in a month.  She had this ambulance transport move five times in four days, five different buildings, five different rooms.  Two can bring on this type of delirium in elderly patients.  It doesn't matter how many times you ask, beg, demand, explain that she is there, treat the leg, END THIS, don't make her wait another month in agony.  If you can't, say so. How Carole at 82 has held up with this bedridden agony for almost four months is astonishing.  And those months have continued destroying tissue and nerves, probably resulting in amputation that would not have been necessary if treated before advancing.  Not to mention the enormous inflammation and stress on a very weak heart. I am at my end.

*****

Just had another call, spoke with the nurse.  Are you f-ing kidding me?  I faxed the leg testing that CLEVELAND ordered to be done here, full results and diagrams, they were in her chart.  Today they planned on pressure cuffing and pressing the probe on those damaged legs again!  I asked why the test results CC ordered here were not being used.  "What tests?"  Look at her c.h.a.r.t.  "OH!  Here they are."  Use them.  Do not do a third unbearably painful test that is not necessary!  And what is her pain med list?  I could not believe it.  100 mg Gaba at night.  She was a patient twice in two months getting 200 mg every six hours and 300 mg at night with 650 Tylenol between doses!  Who changed them?  No one.  They never checked her CC chart.  I CAN SEE THEM ONLINE!!!  She is crying and sobbing, unable to walk, you were told of the recent procedure and can see the necrosis, swelling, and assumed 100 mg was enough without checking her file?   They looked at the nursing home file of every two hour OXY load, stopped it abruptly, and subbed one 100 mg. Gaba.  I am typing this over and over until I can actually believe it.  I requested the doctor to call today.  That f word won't be held back much longer.  This isn't the first time.  I can see every test, result, admission and discharge, notes, and recommendations so why the hell can't the staff in charge of patients?  Technology!!  It's all there in one place under one patient number.  No one looks.  But my PA state would certainly know if I got a script for Ativan because sure, that's more important.   

**********************

Unexpected

 Carole woke unable to speak, confused, delusional, and for the fourth time in three months needing blood.  Lower than ever, sent to ER.  My local hospital no longer has a gastro doctor (she was scoped there two months ago), and she would be sent to another hospital.  Where?  Another facility that is unfamiliar with her conditions? I can't tell you how many times I have recited the last six years and recent issues, completely baffled why it's necessary in this age of technology.  After all these months, we thought the unexpected had worn itself out, but it seems to be gaining strength while we're losing ours.  Tonight she was pathetic and frail, wanting me there all the time, not understanding why I can't be, asking what will happen, why is she alone, where are they taking her, will I come with her, and the fear and tears in those wild eyes can create guilt that tops stress. 

Missing the Clinic appointments tomorrow, the only hope for an end to this nightmare, and would need to wait another five weeks.  That's it.  SEND HER TO CLEVELAND G-DAMMIT.  ENOUGH!  Almost four months of agony while you people f around.  No openings.  Again.  So a satellite hospital in Cleveland is where she is headed at 11pm tonight.  She is panicked, unable to explain or comprehend, alone, no one to comfort her, explain the nightmare, the positional pain.  No hotels that I could stay at without requiring a car, I can't drive while adding eye drops every 15 minutes.  So Mark will have to stay with me and chauffer to and from since he is not permitted in the hospital, missing his golf league again and Nitzy will have to stop treatment.  I am so hoping this is only until a room opens on Euclid, she is familiar with the nurses and doctors there.

Tomorrow morning we will drive to the last facility and retrieve her belongings.  The last before her 40 minute ride to the ER, and almost two hour ride to the new hospital.  The transfer to and from vehicles and stretcher to bed and back are unbearably painful.  I hope to find out more tomorrow, will be difficult since she is unaware.  She is about to give up.  And I hope the two elderly women brought to the ER that were sneezing, do not test positive.

*********************** 

What's in my Magma?

Lucy Beam.  As Friday approaches, my nerves are shattered, why would I engage in decision making?  Bad enough that this linen piece of whatever the hell was dipped green to tone the red, violet to drown the yellow, bleach to start over, and it just kept going.  I still don't like it, but since the sampler is tight with stitches, it will be just fine.

More thread than called for, I have almost double on the ring so I can choose as I go.

Seeing my cardio at 8am and will be scolded for not taking my meds.  My routine test numbers look fine, next up is the CT scan for the pulmonologist checking on the particles in the upper lung that he said are sometimes precursors to lung cancer.  Not thinking about that now, trying to gauge what dose of Ativan I will need Friday since I will be alone with Carole for these two critical talks.  She is inconsolable and the stupor from Oxy is making it worse.  She adores and trusts my reasonable and stable husband, but he isn't even allowed in the freaking building, banished again to a long hallway with no food or drink for most of the day, and a long walk across the street to the back of a huge parking garage for the nearest restroom on the third floor.  He's vaccinated, I'm not.  Make sense?

Sitting outside by myself, Petey left, Nitzy is in the house and a absolute challenge to administer eye drops three times a day.  It's an ulcer, medication to bridge the recess for healing, antibiotic, pain.  Back in two weeks and drops will be for at least another month.  Once healed, both eyes will require a steroid type medication which if given now, would destroy his eye.

Carole will be calling soon, sobbing and asking why this is happening, when will it stop, and I need to shore up for what should be the last such call today.  They start in the morning and continue until late evening.

Goodnight stitching buds.  Sleep well.

*****************

Pete and I

 Hot weather has arrived, and after spending two and a half hours in a doc office with Carole, going for my own blood work after, all the while Mark is waiting in the parking lot, here I sit on mom's swing.  Nit and Missy were here too but once Petey tries to join, they leave.  

He got up and looked at me as if to ask "how long will it be before I'm a part of the brat pack".  Petey, I've been an outcast since grade school, nothing wrong with being a loner, but it does requires strength.  And when your family is reduced to a handful, you become more alone with each passing year until there is no one, just you.   

Lie down Pete.  You and I will enjoy the warm weather and bright color against a darkening sky.  

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Is it Sunday?

Realizing we're into June has not been accepted, so not being certain of the day goes along with that denial.  Very busy week.  Nitzy has not been himself and we finally have an appointment for which I need to get half of a Valium into him.  And since it's not until late afternoon, he will be howling all day wanting to go out.  Hoping sometime today we can grab him but the recent warming trend has him lounging on the deck.  Tuesday I have to meet Carole at the wound clinic, Thursday is my cardio visit, must be in Cleveland at 8am Friday.  No idea what to expect.  She can't even tell the time looking at the clock.  Oxy increases despite family objections had led to delusion and lack of coherence.  I've talked to several departments and I must say this facility is more open and informative for any concern.  The doctor feels pain control is more important at this point.  We are all fearing Friday's visits.  I may have to private pay for the ambulance service she has used for years.  Kind, gentle, and necessary on a two hour ride.  She missed an appt last week because the facility's contracted transport (new to her)  insisted on a wheelchair, even though she cannot drop her legs, so she refused.  Days before hey left her in one with legs elevated and she screamed and sobbed until someone came for her.  This is not the norm for her disease, most patients get relief by hanging legs off the bed, pain is unbearable at rest.  She is the opposite, no one knows why, and a stretcher is required.

Decided to continue unloading items I have no use for and finally put away the tablecloth pieces I hope to one day create into vintage small something or others.  That was a plan a few years ago to make some extra money and sell online, but we are going so deep into that pit that it's not worth the effort right now. 

The pillowcases and leftover small pieces that I love yielded this pale blue thread on white lovely.  Never really paid attention until it fell from the pile, and I saw the back.  

It's a pillow sham.  Sweet little one, I'm assuming for a baby?  Any other ideas why this is so small?  You always offer answers and guidance and I have no hankering to research.  Sweet isn't it?

I've been ordering items online, still entering stores but honestly, I am the only one with a mask.  Teens, twenties, thirties, and over, they cannot all be vaccinated.  Anyway, we've lost so many stores and almost everything I need is unavailable so this has moved from a precaution to a necessity.  My hair loss is massive and I ordered the gray Toppik.  Been using browns that I had before, but the darker fibers on my scalp (which you can easily see through very thin hair) look like the tiny droppings on a feral's skin from flea infestation.  Yes, the front section which is the worst, looks loaded with flea poop.  So I'm hoping the gray blends better.

Haven't looked for another project, but it seems whenever something lands on the floor, it gets my attention whether I have the energy to pick it up or let it lie.  This time, Lucy Beam's Family Sampler 1839 and Nash's Paisley.  I'll still look through the pile, the only kitted projects are quite large. 

Enjoy the weekend, stay safe.

Jackie, I cannot reply but there is no history listed with the Withrow sampler.

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Margret Withrow

 at age 14 in 1809

From Gigi R

 

Some threads a few shades darker

extended border

added leaves

But other than that .....

I was a good girl

Wonderful sampler

 not too large

not too complicated

no over one

very forgiving and adaptive 

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An end within reach

 but only for this sampler.  Still spinning my wheels and dealing with a patient in constant pain, unable to accept the diagnosis, possibly not survive another surgery, spending hours and hours on the phone for info.  No openings, we must wait another ten days to see a doc at CC.  Today, I found out that the case worker we were referred to, responsible for patient applications to the Waiver program (three requests to her personally within two weeks time), never did.  Damn good thing I called the state agency to check on status this morning.  

Not much more to stitch for a finish on Margret.  I honestly have been wondering why I'm continuing.  A crumpled ball of nerves and confusion and questions is not being calmed by needlework.  I placed a three item order yesterday for a small project and linen piece, only because I was notified that it was back in stock.  We'll see what happens to my mojo in the coming weeks after we see more doctors.  But a large sampler would not be advisable.  Margret's design allowed concealment for a multitude of color and placement errors but the beauties waiting in my stash would not.  

This motif was to be completed in the light brown but when that thread ran out, I saw a needle with pink thread so used it instead.  Not the first time laziness ruled, and these little changes have turned out quite nicely.  

I also need to make a tough decision about the vaccine.  Advised not to, and I fear my reaction would cause another autoimmune to present itself because of my dormant but very high markers, or the fissures on my tongue could worsen and spread to my throat.  Another lock down, I was there before it, and being in and out of all the facilities and each appt, I don't know what to do.  Half of the US is vaccinated, but locally, 90% are without a mask.  That large unvaxxed percentage would have been banned from public not that long ago. 

I don't know what day it is, so I'll just say to have a good one, whatever the hell it is.

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