Good morning.
Working daily at Carole's, I have no choice. The stress is again affecting my sleep, her despair is causing me to feel ill. The agencies and my state are useless in fulfilling the program responsibilities.
Yesterday, I removed her shoes from her closet, which she had to turn away from. I think coming home to where she lived for 50 years has hit her with the reality of losing her legs. What she expected, remembered, is no longer possible. The hospital and facility were both unfamiliar accommodations, and she never walked in either. It was the norm. The norm at her home is lost, and it's a shock she didn't anticipate.
As I try to rid her bedroom and decorate with her favorite treasures (clutter to me), we will move some pieces and purchase a few bookcases for display. I have a plan for these two very old and useless purses that she could not part with. Lining with waterproof material and propping them open will make great succulent planters as a shelf backdrop.
These shoes were also a favorite and we'll cut it half, glue sole to sole, stand on toe, and make a pincushion for mom's hat pins, or another planter. Check out the gold monkeys at the tree base. Do you think this would be a bitter reminder and not a good idea?
One last ativan and my pepto tablets, and it's back to work there shortly.
Have a good day,
*************
13 comments:
Honestly I'm not sure for the shoes. But for the bags, it's a great idea, and so it is for display cases. Maybe fake plants for the bags, no need to care about those once in place and nowdays they make very realistic ones... I've never seen a wooden bag like that
You are just an angel for your sister, I wish I had someone as caring as you in my surrounding...
Marly: I can only imagine how hard it is to have to not have the help you need for Carole, the state of the healthcare system is a mess in some states.
I love the idea of using the shoes for a pin cushion what a fabulous idea and the purses again an amazing idea, I hope you share photos of them finished.
I hope you get some rest.
Catherine
I am also blown away with all the stress and turmoil you have endured and dealt with the past several years, I am reminded of the movie series Lord Of the Rings. You are like the good-hearted character Frodo who takes on the mission of toting a ring of power (which would consume and destroy anyone else) across the land for the sake of all. This is a huge burden, one that no one else wants, but he accepts this mission and despite the toll it takes on him personally, perseveres and does what he must. Mark is your loving sidekick character Sam who assists you on this journey. You are extraordinary Marly - loving, generous, giving, honest, caring. I pray that things somehow get easier and you and Carole can get some assistance from other sources.
You are a deep thinker and a very kind person Marly to figure out what Carole must be facing returning to familiar home yet nothing is the same for her. I don’t know how you manage to function under all this stress, turmoil and frustration. I wish she could return to the facility. It sounded like a wonderful,caring place for her while lifting off some of your worries and burdens.
Marly, your ideas are brilliant. I hope Carole appreciates them. i do agree maybe some fake plants in the purses so as not to accidentally ruin them. Personally, i think pin-cushions from the slipper/shoes would be a precious idea and memento to treasure. it is so sad that state resources are so ureliable; as i read about her state of mind being at home, i cant help but believe that she needs to be talking to a counselor to help her navigate through all of this emotional change and shock (instead of taking it all out on you).
Marly,
You don’t know me, but I read every blog post and today’s nearly made me cry. You are such a compassionate, caring person.
Please remember the script, though, from the airlines where you are told to put on your oxygen mask first. Take care of YOU and your needs and health.
Praying for you and Carole.
I like the idea of plants in the bags. Especially for the wood one, I'd stick with fake plants. Some of those vintage wood bags are pretty pricy. The embroidered shoes, it seems like lots of the embroidery would be hidden if stood on the toes? But not my shoes, so...
I bet it is so much more difficult to face what's no longer for Carole now that it's all right in her face at home. At least while she was in the facility, there was the dream of going back and all would be good. I second the therapy, though I have to wonder if it would be as difficult finding that as it is finding help for her physical care. Also, the last thing YOU need is to try and juggle yet more phone calls and paperwork for that.
Sorry you're having to go over there every day. I hope the ever increasing stress doesn't put you over the edge. Not only for your sake, but for Mark's. And Carole's, because she'd be up the creek without a paddle if it weren't for you. Remember - there's no shame in taking time to take care of yourself first.
You are so kind and caring and so right about Carole's returning expecting the way it was but not being possible. I love the idea of using the purses for planters.
As Edie stated so eloquently, you must first take care of yourself.
xoxo
Oh Marly, my heart breaks for you. You have so much on your plate (and enough of your own "stuff" to deal with as well). I've never seen wooden purses like that - very interesting and I like the idea of turning them into planters. Likewise the shoes into a pincushion. So creative!
It amazes me that with all you have going on in your life your creativity still shines through, Marly! Your ideas for the wooden purse and those pretty shoes are delightful. I hope that working on them plus your stitching helps relieve even a bit of the stress. ♥
Marly I like the idea of turning these purses into planters,but take fake ones so that makes it easyer for you to deal with.
About the shoes you can ask Carole if she likes them to turn into a pincushion.
Take care of yourself too Marly, because all the stress and doing to much,doesn't help to deal with your own health-- it makes it only worse.
Sending lots of love and prayers for you all...Truus from Holland
I don't think I say anything more or better than those who have commented ahead of me have.... What a twisted blessing to have a sister who is such an empath and can so intuitively understand the psychological torment and shock that this return home is causing on so many levels. But at what price to you? It is believed by some who wander in those circles that every spell worked comes at a cost or price to the one working it...and that is sort of what your efforts remind me of. I love the ideas you've hatched...those planters will be awesome (but here I am in the minority... I vote for real....). But you will now HAVE to do the pincushion idea with the shoes as I will need a visual. I've seen many little shoe scissor holders, etc. but I am not grasping the cutting in half thing. And the monkeys? They're adorable. I can't put myself in Carole's state of mind but I think the transformed shoes would be treasured as she comes to accept her new world. ~Robin~
With each encounter, you come upon another issue. Much like the stress of clearing the home of someone who has passed, 'things' bring back or create their own memories and dreams of life come and gone. Such is the state with Carole, and you by default. For her, particularly now that she is home, a profound grief has likely set in. Complicating this emotion is the lack of services promised and the stress induced by requiring you and your husband the stress for her care.
There are no simple answers, of course, and you are truly a trouper for being able to keep this up. As mentioned above, self-care is essential but I know easier said than done. I have lived a similar situation, and my only advice is to keep venting your frustrations; here, at the negligent caregivers, whoever will listen and still be your confidante. Like a pressure valve, it must be released now and then. Hugs to you, peace to Carole, and patience to Mark. As my mother used to say, "we all have many mountains to climb." She had millions of such sayings, we called them sermonettes. All she needed was a pulpit.
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