Thank you for the kind and caring comments. Hospice needs to be ordered by her doctor for palliative care and meds coverage. Her PCP is not giving up. In fact, the latest cardio doc feels there is only one reason for efficiency of 40% to quickly fall to 10%. Blockage is her diagnosis. The meds are not doing their job, they overloaded her to rid the fluid which in turn caused kidney failure. I explained again, she was released the first time totally and obviously bloated, but they couldn't see this? On Monday, a right heart cath will be done in search of a piece of plaque causing the problem. I think she makes sense. Carole is terrified. As much of a risk (at 10%), and it is great, it has to be done.
I though I would relax a little this afternoon but the house residents have not been there and won't be again today. She needs helps to eat and lays a guilt trip on me for not being there constantly. I cannot breathe with that n95 mask and my Sjogren's has been flared for two weeks, My lips are bleeding from fissures. But it is what it is.
This is what I'm taking today and hopefully will attempt to work on. I have to remove the mask to do so but can't handle it for long anyway.
Enjoy your weekend.
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25 comments:
Oh for...talk about being jerked around between doctors. I hope her PCP is right, and wonder why the cardiologist didn't raise the possibility. I hope all goes well Monday.
Mark is not the only one with worries about your health. I'm concerned about you too.
I hope everything goes well for Carole, and for you too!
You can’t let go because you care Marly. That said no one can fix everything or make everything right. You need to take care of yourself. People make these messes. You can’t save them from themselves. And fwiw, they will run your butt into the ground and not think twice about it. Help when you can but not at the expense of ‘you’.
Absence of "tenants" for weekend says something about loyalty to Carol and
to you. Do the best you can while taking care of yourself and Carol (try ignoring the "mess") Hope you have remedies to ease your physical discomfort
with a stitch or two to relax you. Ignore any guilt trip.... you have proven your
goodness over and over, time and time again. Prayerful support...
I am so, so sorry about all this terrible news. I have not been getting all my emails and just today starting to catch up. This is just awful! It sounds like a third-world country medical system! How can you possibly hold up during all this. I am also worried about your health. I hope and pray that they can handle all these complicated system failures with the cath. My thoughts and prayers for her and for you. Oh my, I will hope for a miracle, it sounds like that is what will be required!
Truly, I don't know how you do it. I have followed your blog for years. I know the constant roller coaster ride has been and is exhausting. Just dealing with physicians is exhausting!!! Please, as Mark observes, take care of yourself!! The mess isn't yours and the Dane isn't yours. Carole is afraid and you are afraid. My thoughts and prayers are with you every day!!!!
You can’t let go because she’s your sister and you love her. But you can cancel her credit cards so her house mates don’t run up big bills while she’s in hospital.
OMG I hope you do not get sick over this ordeal. Sometimes hospitals suck. When my FIL had Covid they called us and told us he would not make it out of the hospital. He went home and lived 2 more years...so I dont have much faith in the hospital here. Sending prayers. Janice
Oh Marly, please, please, take care of yourself too. I'm sure the worry and stress are high. Please know you and Carole are in my continued prayers.
Marly you are so caring for Carole,but please take care of your own health too!!
Mark does not deserve you will get so ill too.
Cancel her credit cards and let them go in the mess and the Dane.
Still sending prayers for healing, wisdom and health for Carole, you and Mark.
Lots of love and take care, Truus from Holland
Lots of prayers coming your way, Marly. Please, please take care of yourself. I'm hugging you.
I had the same thought as Truus. What if you cancelled the cards? Please be careful with that mask off! I am praying for you all.
Marly and Carol, prayers for tomorrow. Just focus on Carol and you. Jen
Thoughts and prayers for you, Marly and for your sister. You don't let it go because you deeply care for Carole. I say cancel the cards. Please take care of yourself.
Cancel. Those. Cards. How dare they! Sending healing thoughts to you, Marly...
Prayers for Carole...and for you!
Please take care of yourself and don’t allow Carole to guilt you into being there too much. She should have the residents help her with basic needs and the fact they don’t reflects their true selfish nature. I can’t imagine how someone can ignore their mother and allow her to suffer while they are living in her home.
care-giving is no joke. we lose ourselves when giving all to another...Marly please don't do that! ~ the only words that ring through my head lately with our family's {mom's} situation is, 'this too shall pass'....as harsh as that sounds to some, those who know, know.
...sending you strength and wishes of health for all.
Oh, Marly... I've been out of the country since September 4th and am just now reading all of this. I am so sorry Carole is going through all of this and sad to read about her making you feel guilty. She is probably doing that out of fear, but it's still hard to hear. You are one of the most giving people I've ever "met" and I hope you know that your health (both physical and mental) matters, too. I'll be thinking of you all tomorrow and hoping and praying for a good outcome. You take care now and know how many of us are with you in spirit ♥
this is only wishful thinking but what if you cancel her cards, shot the dog and kick out the freeloaders and change the locks and then you will have some piece before you lose you own health. this is not good for you. just thinking out loud but if was me I sure would. big hugs
Marly: So sorry your Sjogren's has flared up, I am so sad that Carole is having problems, she sure has had a bad run of it, I hope that the heart issue is well taken care of as well as the drug situation, please make sure you take care of you first.
I am looking forward to seeing the progress on your Prairie Schooler design.
Happy fall
Catherine
Pretty sure you can't just cancel someone else's credit cards, unless you have power of attorney for that person. Do you? If not, you might just have to Let it go. What's the worst that can happen? The cards get run up and not paid and the c.c. co. will cancel them anyway. At this stage in life, does Carol care about her credit score?
If you do have power of attorney for Carol, use it to lock everything down. You can put locks on cards so that any and every charge needs to be approved by the POA holder. Do the same for bank accounts. Does she have a car registered in her name? Lock it down before "someone else" starts running up violations under her name. Do you have a lock on her credit so that no one else can open a new card in her name?
I don't blame Carol for being scared-- I had a heart cath in February 2020, and it was one of the top most painful experiences in my life. Also, the nurse gave me staph.
This is crazy and may not be doable, but can you ask for help from the Amish? I've read you mention some live in your area. I know they treat their animals abominably, but I had a relative (in south-central PA) who needed care until the agencies could get their ducks in a row, and local Amish stepped in and gave round-the-clock care until home health aides could be scheduled.
When my in-laws began a swift decline, they assigned a medical POA to a family member, and the family member had the assistance of an elder-care attorney. No idea if that is feasible. Is there a county Office on Aging? If all else fails, there has been great success in my state of NJ, land of bureaucracy and uncaring agencies, in contacting local congress persons and asking for help in getting things moving.
It's a hellish situation. I truly hope you can take time to breathe and regroup. You have a loving heart and a caring soul and I'm sure it tears you up from the inside to see a beloved suffer. But I hope you are able to "switch off" at times and find peace.
Another thought: Is the house dirty? Cluttered? Chaotic? Would it meet standards of un-livability? Can you have Code Enforcement inspect and declare the home unsafe for an elderly, ill person, thus forcing a move to assisted living sooner rather than later?
Why can`t you let things go? BECAUSE YOU CARE! You are a loving, kind, generous soul! You (and Mark) have been Carole`s guardian angels for many years now. There is only so much you can do and you have done everything you possibly can - and then some! Her health is out of your hands but to some extent YOUR health is in your control. Hug her, love her, whisper those comforting words to her but take care of yourself too. Like everyone else I pray for Carole`s health and comfort and yours as well.
I am adding my fervent prayers and healing (in every sense of that word) to the ones voiced above. I just have no words. You (along with everyone else - including Mark, I'm sure) know why you can't "let it go." The best you can do is hang on.... Obviously, the situation is already pushing you to a health crisis. As you well know, I have my own experiences with dysfunctional family members. No matter where our hearts are, or what superhero feats we accomplish, it will never be "enough." The best you can do is try to find some peace for yourself...as elusive as it is. Hugs my friend... ~Robin~ (PS...love your PS linen choices!)
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