I was at the hospital since 8 am, just got home. Her gallbladder was taken with four incisions, a little complicated because of many adhesions, and like a bag of small gravel. The anesthesia did her in again. The type she received was safer for patients with heart conditions and is used (and must be) with a muscle relaxer. She's miserable. Surgery was at 9 and she is just now fully waking, making sense and able to comprehend. This afternoon ran the gamut of intense pain, hallucinations, sudden sleep as if she passed out, confusion, and I thought several times she was gone or having a stroke. The breathing issue is worse than ever and she is in a panic, fighting sleep because she is afraid she will stop breathing. They have no answers for her on that terrifying condition. I got a few spoons of ice cream into her and that's it. Tomorrow will be a better day. But she has to go through this sedation again.
As I watched her it was as if I was sitting at my mom's death bed all over again. I know one day her tears and cries to help her will be her last as she gasps for air. It was a very hard day for both of us. And hopefully tomorrow will be better. Even though a surgery and medication was the cause today, it doesn't stop my mind from storing the images of these episodes, and fear of the future. I am very grateful she made it through the surgery, but feel overwhelmed by sadness. How foolish is that?
I need to step back for a few days.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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