Dec 3, 2020

Distress and stress

 And I'm running out of Ativan.   Didn't have many to begin with, took several trying to calm the palps.  I mentioned that Carole is having difficulty breathing again at times, and it's been constant for two days now.  Has she called her doctor?  No.  She doesn't want to go to the hospital, and if required, only in Cleveland.  Go get an xray to see if your CHF is causing fluid in your lungs and can be treated.  No.  She will wait another day.  It's fricking Friday and the doctor leaves at noon.  We'll see.  So wait until I hear you panicking on the phone at 3am that you can't breath and have an ambulance take you to a Covid filled hospital.  She had all week to get help.  I thought I was jittery before.  Will I sleep?  No.  Memories of those weeks of mid night calls and panic are flooding me, I knew it would happen again, that's CHF.  But with all the new meds that seemed to be helping, this is troubling.  It's always in my mind that her failing heart will soon give out, and every episode of distress reinforces my fear.

I worked on the body of Elizabeth a little during the palp jitters but there is no way I can hold a steady needle until I have some answers or calm down.  I'm not expecting either anytime soon.


Hope you have a nice weekend.

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Dec 2, 2020

Damn

 Monday night



Tuesday morning



Tuesday at dinner




Tuesday at 9 pm



AUGH!!!

Dec 1, 2020

From the past

While looking for old blog photos of my trees and how I decorated them in past years (I never remember to use labels on posts), I came across this.  Seven years ago!!  Will menopause ever end?

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With all the Christmas music playing, it's easy to have one get stuck in your mind.  Mine is Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Sinatra, Taylor, Garland, Carpenter - anyone's!
I have my own version so hum the tune while you read mine.

Have yourself a merry little menopausal Christmas
Let your mood be blue
From now on, your hormones
have control and rule
Have yourself a menopausal Christmas
Make the yuletide fun
From now on, your emotions
tend to sharpen your tongue
Here we are in our olden days
Sane and youthful days long gone
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Now do fear us and move on
Through the years, we all will be together
If the mood allows
Hang a hormone patch upon the highest bough
And have yourself a menopausal Christmas, now

Here we are in the Santa line
With our wishlist in bold pen
Youthful dreams dancing in our heads
of tighter skin and estrogen

Through the years, we'll all become impatient
Fighting tears somehow
Hang a warning sign upon the highest bough
I'll have myself a menopausal Christmas, now.

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Nov 30, 2020

Just in case

 anyone is interested in Mary Beale's Christmas wreaths or those wonderful sampler stockings, did you know she has a website and offers her work?  https://www.marybeale.com/shop  Most are b/w downloads, I'm not sure if all are.  She is also on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/marydbeale/ where you can see some of the coloring pages.

 The sought after Sampler Wreath is available with the Pocketbook Needlework 1999.  Did not know that.  Nor was I aware of the coloring page offers of the Book of Deliverance (also smaller coloring projects to turn into ornaments). 

I never saw this Book of Common Prayer, LOVE that border.

What an ambitious but glorious sampler is this Days of Advent project.  The photo is from Pinterest, redirect was not a valid site so I don't know who to credit.  Margaret from Days of a Sampler Lover stitched this years ago.  Whenever I see a project of this layout including the Hawk series, I would prefer stitching each section individually.  These are about 4.5" x 5.5" so a little too large as ornaments, but each is so lovely I would like them to be showcased rather than grouped.  But that's me.  If you'd like to see this project in book form, visit http://www.stitchershideaway.com/html/ks_2.html and scroll down.  Stunning.

 


Some of her projects are needlepoint (I think the small stocking are), but most are cross stitch.

Thought I would mention this.... just in case!!

During the unsettled week when the new medication was playing with my brain, I did not see new blog posts, IG updates, nor was I replying.  Sorry.  Except for two readers, the rest (blog) are no-reply but I assume we are to respond to IG comments.  I've left many for others and only get a response from a few which is perfectly OK with me, I don't expect it.  I hope to catch up soon!

Today is my final Varithena treatment.  I've received many over the years, two weeks ago was the first time I had terrible pain.  If I had tears, they would have been rolling.  Thank goodness it was only for several minutes.  

Enjoy the last fricking day of November.  The only good thing is we're getting closer to summer.

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Nov 29, 2020

Today is ......

 Sunday.  I know that because I looked at the calendar.  It's been a strange, unsettling, and frustrating ....  week?  days?  

I hope your Thanksgiving was enjoyable.  I had Carole and Chris here and we all commented on the food being the best ever.  Same recipes, nothing different, but oh my it was.  If you haven't tried our green beans casserole or sweet potato casserole, you must.  Green beans here and Sweet Potato here.  The green beans are just too good and no soup!  But don't substitute yogurt for the sour cream or it will be watery after baking.  We have a little of the cranberry walnut salad left because I made the full 9 x 13 instead of a half recipe.  We always dealt with the turkey resting before carving and trying to keep that plate hot enough.  Several friends informed me that they always roast the day before, allow it to cool to hold juice, carve and add to a large dish.  College Inn turkey broth is then added to the cold meat, covered, and reheated the next day at 350 for 15 minutes and then reduced to 250.  Did not believe them at first because reheating turkey breast????  Really?  Well we tried it and have done this for the last three years.  Wonderful.  I guess not carving until really cool and then layered with the broth does the trick.  All our dishes, including Holiday Mashed Potatoes were prepared the day before and just put into the oven, except for the gravy.  Takes the rush and hassle out of the day, even if it's only with two guests.

That was a good thing, but several days before I started feeling great anxiety and depression almost to despair.  Suddenly.  Unexpected.  Puzzling.  Since this started when the beta blocker pills did, and I am extremely drug sensitive, I called the pharmacy.  Yep.  My cardio doc told me he takes a beta blocker to improve his mood on a bad day which I found very odd, and assumed he was joking.  Turns out in a few cases it can absolutely cause my symptoms.  They told me to take a half dose to adjust and give it a few weeks.  I can see the fog is lifting.  The palps and the fibbing are continuing, have not had a break as yet.  But last night was a real test.

I needed more greenery for outdoors and we thought Arby's sandwiches would be good to have with the leftover dishes, so out we went at dusk.  My fear of that time of day in our area of deer is always present, and there she was.  Mark slammed on the brakes and we missed her but the oncoming car could care less and she barely made it across the road.  That sudden panic caused an unbelievable increase in the palps.  We all feel that adrenaline rush and pounding heart when startled, but this would not leave.  On the way back, there was a bump in the middle of the road.  As the headlights shown, it lifted its head, a cat trying to get food from a long dead critter.  It was a 50mph brief sighting, lots of traffic behind us on this hill.  No street lights so we couldn't see once passed.  It wasn't until after midnight and an Ativan that inside jitters stopped.   The shock of the deer was long over and I was certainly calmed down, but that pounding would not stop.  My bottom BP number almost matched the top for a time.  But it settled and I was able to sleep.  Too much info, huh?

Not decorating much at all this year, took out the very small trees, using a larger lighted wire tree without ornaments.  Just not into it.  Prior years outdoor was my usual door basket and buckets of fresh greens, grapevine tree at the door.  I really need to make another one since this is getting brittle but haven't found enough vines.  

I had a brown wire tree here last year and did like it, may buy another.   What a difference weathered wood makes.  Mark likes the look of even stain, I prefer the aged.  I even think I like the old door better.

I pulled out my sit-on Lacis hoop and will try working on the body of Elizabeth.  I started, it's not easy to get used to since I work almost exclusively in hand but I'll try.  If not, the spool huggers will go back on.  I looked at a few Christmas designs and was planning to order, but ....  And I am still seriously considering Dorothy Walpole, but queen stitches in that gorgeous band are not something I could do and that area should not be omitted.  

My cousin's daughter in another state is getting married in January.  She is not allowed more than 10 in the church including the bride, groom, priest, and witnesses.  You can have one person per pew at opposite ends!! But the country club hosting the lunch after is not a problem.  Really?  Passing Kraynak's last night, the parking lot was completely filled, overflow to the plaza across the street.  Our restaurants are restricted and dying even with plexiglass and 10 foot spacing.  There were hundreds of people in that store buying Christmas lights/trees and those aisles are not spaced any differently than other years.   Carole's best friend has a daughter, son in law, grandkids, and great grands testing positive.  My cousin's family has had several positive, cold symptoms a few days, and luckily are fine now.  They worked from home since March, walk and run outside, groceries and meals delivered (all were guys) no restaurants or bars.  And positive.  Chris (type 1 diabetic with HBP) has been a like a bird going from one place to another almost daily for my demanding sister since March and so far, he has been lucky.  She is getting more short of breath lately and wondered if her heart is worsening, or possibly because she sits in front of the TV all day, not much movement.  Being most times outspoken, all times a crabass, and other times smart, I did not reply to her query.  Cleveland will be a visit in the spring, they haven't increased her meds as planned on the virtual visits.

This is the last day before the unpleasant weather hits the fan so I will be outside finishing up chores and windows.

Bud is eating some, afraid of his food (he circles the dishes in hunting position), losing weight and showing his age but still happy.

Sorry for the boring post!   Thanks for making it to the end!

Stay safe everyone.

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Nov 22, 2020

Slow and steady

Still need the backstitched leaves and the house fill on the top section, but that's all.  I don't care for the light vases and their flowers but can certainly live with them.  I need to complete the ecru eyelets in two dividing bands but have so far avoided that task (light threads are not going well!).

I visited Kohl's today and was able to order at the kiosk for free shipping on a few sale items.  Then I found other items throughout the store for rock bottom prices including a sherpa (inside and out) top, labeled HeatKeep.  All were gifts, but I couldn't resist trying this top on when I returned home.  OMG.  It is the softest, coziest top ever.  I am returning tomorrow hoping they have my size left in every color, if not, the kiosk will deliver!   But my goodness is it ever warm.  Since my flashes are still with me, it will be on and off and on and off but I'm willing to do that for the sheer comfort of this fabric.
Bud is eating a little, still losing weight.  
Jilly, I can't reply to you, and I appreciate all the advice.  I want to thank everyone who offered their experience being an Afibber, I am listening and learning!!  And thumping away.   My BP monitor has shown arrhythmia every time for almost two weeks.  Doctor said the beta blocker will take a few weeks to kick in and if nothing changes, a 48 hour monitor may be a good idea.

I was going to type "have a nice weekend" but good gravy it's over!!  I wasn't having issue with identifying days until recently and it's a little disconcerting.  
Well, have a good Monday!!

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