Nothing stops the tears quicker than

making a fool of yourself, and a face plant.   Thanks to all of you that shared your heartbreaking and sometimes uplifting pet stories.  With all the water loss from tears, I expected to drop a pound or two, but those damn frozen Easter chocolates may have replaced the water loss.  It all started when I went into the woods to our private little burial ground to make sure Baby wasn't disturbed by other critters.  And also because I'm a morbid idiot that can't stop crying once I start.  St. Judes' children started it all.  Anyway, on went my ugly green mud boots to the knee to prevent poison ivy and the brier scratches.  Unfortunately, one of them got caught under a downed limb and I went flying, face plant style, into the patch of leaves and ivy.  Except for a large bruise on my shin, I was fine.  Just annoyed at the crows - I swear that caw caw changed to haw haw.  Although my face was smeared with mascara, dirt, and tears, I stupidly walked down to the road crew that was motioning for me to come talk.  They were probably saying "let's see what that wacko wild woman is doing".  I don't have to remind you of the red boot incident and others, and thought I could explain to them about the boots and the face plant, a relatively common occurrence for being in the woods.  What I forgot about and didn't explain, was the fact that when I am painting, I wear my clothes inside out to prevent paint stains.   It was a brief conversation, and on my way back into the house, I reached into my pocket for a clean tissue.  Well guess what?  My pockets weren't there.  My shorts were on inside out with large white lined pockets hanging on the outside, and care instruction tags were flapping from my top.  They love coming down my road.  It gives them something to chuckle about for quite a while.

So move on to the evening and a visit to Sears to check the range we ordered.  My husband is a slow walker and I can outdistance him by a mile in the same amount of time.  I move baby.  My Crocs stuck to the granite floor and face plant #2. 

This time, I replicated an uncoordinated SuperMan move.  Not pretty.  Both my knees hit that granite first and took all the weight with the upper body landing on my shopping bag.  I broke my new Polarized glasses, and never felt pain like that before.  Well, the colonoscopy that I insisted on having without sedation may take the #1 spot.  Three very young good looking men stood there and said "you OK lady?"  Just what you want to see while sprawled on the floor moaning.   My mid back and neck were miserable but no where near the knee pain.  My overprotective husband was scared but eventually, I got up and tried to walk.  It was no SuperMan walk.  I asked if Sears insurance would cover any medical bills or tests IF I decided I needed them.  Well, sorry, no.  Really?  If someone falls on my property I have to pay their medical bills don't I?  Ice ice ice and Advil, but this morning, my knee had three fleshy golf balls and I could put no weight on that leg at all.  ER visit confirmed - yep, that's a lot of swelling!  No breaks, but I need to see an orthopedic for possible tendon or cartilage damage.  I'm hoping the damage is minimal and will not require any surgery.  That would stop the laughing for sure.  I can't help it. I keep laughing about it every time I picture myself airborne between the stoves.  So my leg has an immobilizer brace and I have a cane, chewing Advils.  The doc said it wasn't funny.  I said "you weren't there".  I told you before that I'm weird - I doubt many people laugh about a painful injury. And it does hurt.  Going down the stairs into the basement to retrieve the remaining chocolate is no picnic but worth the suffer.  After the ER we went to McD's for coffee.  Mark opened the door for me and I dropped the cane and assumed the Superman pose.  He cracked up.  It's not that I am forgetting about Baby, but sometimes, laughter is the best medicine. 

 

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p.s. Just got a call from Sears about an injury report so they will take care of it I'm sure.