Jul 20, 2018

the Nitzy files part 2

I should have known something was up.  I came in for dinner and they would not let me back outside.  So I decided to nap on the sofa for a while, but when I woke, I wasn't allowed to go into the garage!  My pad, man!  My favorite sleeping spot!  I wailed.  They didn't listen.  Instead they brought in my dad Budman to keep me company.  Some company.  All he does is sleep.  The lights went out, humans left, and I had no choice but to deposit hair on every piece of furniture I could find.
 
Morning.  Ah.  Let me out!!  I wailed, I screamed, I whined, nothing happened.   After an hour of the human with the hair putting me into the litter box (to no avail), I was picked up gently and then crammed into that plastic cave.  NOOOO!!  Not again!  Here we go, moving, trying to get my balance, and then back into the big metal box with doors.  Please don't do this to me!  My cries continued (I hear all cats do that in plastic caves) and she kept talking to me and telling me I won't be there long. 
 
We stopped.  We wait.  Then the hairy one's guy picks up the cave which I hate!  Do you know how scary it is to not be steady in this thing?   They opened the cave door and I was not falling for that again.  I'm staying inside!  The plastic was so hard my nails would not dig in as they tilted it for me to fall out.  Who's this?  Didn't my human hold me last time?  She grabs the back of my neck and lifts me off the table so my front legs can't touch and my back ones, barely.  What the hell is she doing?  I heard human mom say "I will hold him for you" but they said she was the tech and can handle me.  Tech you say?  Let me show you how I handle techs, whatever the hell they are.  While she's holding me in the air and the same man as before shoots me in the butt, I lift those back legs and flip her arm around making the man grab me too.  After a minute of petting, she does it again!  And he shoots me on the other side and it hurt.  I lifted my back legs off again to make her lose control.  I am only 10# but they said "very powerful".  Yes I am people.  While trying to calm me down and I'm back on all fours, I see the man getting a large pad from the cupboard.  Wait wait WAIT!  What are you doing with that?  She lifted me up all the way by my scruff and he wrapped me in this thing.  Somebody help me, I can't move my legs!  Oh God.  What is that?  He pulled my head back and shoved something down my throat!  I'm choking!  And shredding his nice mat while escaping their clutches.  I only made it to the big sink and fell in, nabbed me.  Wrapped me again for the second pill and I spit the first one out at him.  As I growled like a Tasmanian devil, I heard my human mom ask if he was sure I needed the second half pill.  He laughed and said he's reconsidering.  After several attempts, the 1 1/2 Drontal went down.  I got even though because his mat is shredded.  They put me back in that plastic cave as fast as they could and then sighed relief.   I don't know what Valium is but I will be getting 5 mg before my next visit, hopefully NEVER.  I heard the man say that if Missy is even worse, give the little lady 2.5 mg. before she comes.   I have a feeling it won't be like our Temptations catnip flavor treats.
 
On the way home she kept looking at me to see how I was after the trauma and I settled a little in my pitch.  And then she starts laughing when reviewing the receipt.  Seems I am not Nitzy, I am Mitzy!  Oh you people.  I just wreaked havoc on your office.  I am Nitzy the Nasty not Mitzy the Meek.  I really didn't know what to do when I came out of the cave even though it was my room.  She put down several Temptations and I ate them, she brushed me for a few minutes (even though I first ran from her), and then I was finally freed.   The first time this happened, I stayed close.  This time, I turned and walked away into the woods.  I am feeling better and it's over, and since I am back home and everything is the same here, I may come home for dinner.  But I am warning Bud that he is next!!
 
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17 comments:

Mary said...

Nitzy, you are such a scamp, and an excellent writer. Hope you feel better soon, after all it is for your own good. Well that is what I tell my cats anyway.

Vickie said...

haha! I am CONFIDENT Nitzy is warning his old man!! I do not even begin to comprehend how you will get a Valium down Missy!! Oh man!

diamondc said...

Oh my gosh Marly, you crack me up.

Catherine

debbie haggard said...

OMG i needed that laugh. poor Nitzy. and i can hardly wait to read the journal entries of Bud and Missy if they are 'worse'. the valium sounds like a Great Idea!

Vera said...

Ahhh - fun post Marly! Nitsy/Mitsy -- too funny.

Heritage Hall said...

What a laugh filled entry.... Nitzy has your sense
of irony and humor....osmosis? Hail Nitzy!!

CathieJ said...

Awww, poor Nitsy/Mitsy. I hope Nitsy forgives you and is doing better.

C M Designs said...

I didn't know kitties could take valium.
Poor Nitzy...........he's been through Hell and back. You too !
I hope you'll have less trouble with Budman and Missy........don't know about Missy.
I hope Nitz will come home for supper.
Charlotte in Va.

Carol said...

So enjoyed a much needed laugh today, Marly! Hope Nitzy is resting the day away :)

Frances N said...

Even though I feel sorry for the cat, your post was very entertaining! Poor Nitxy! I hope he’s better soon!

Mary A said...

Really Nitzy! If you were a girl-cat instead of a man-cat, I would say you're a drama queen! Thanks for the laugh Marly and I am sure that all of us with cats can commiserate with you.

Carol Sferra said...

Haaaaa...I used to be a vet assistant and have witnessed and been part of that scene many times! Your description is spot on!!!

Krissy B. said...

Are you sure the Valium isn't for you? Poor kitties.We love our pets but they don't always know it do they. Keep the reports coming.

Rugs and Pugs said...

Maybe Nitzy is having a gender identity crisis and wants to be Mitzy. Just sayin'...

Samplings from Spring Creek said...

Poor Nitzy--he is having a horrible experience--I want him to have a successful outcome. See if the vet has Valium for him and a second nose for his Mum

Barbara said...

ROFLMAO!!!!

Nancy said...

Absolutely hilarious! I knew a cat that was like that. Thank goodness he has a warm home with you.

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