the Nitzy files

I haven't been feeling well at all lately.  Not really eating, barely drinking, very weak.  I've been on the sofa sleeping peacefully since 6:15 yesterday, and at 10:00 am, all hell broke loose.

 

That long and used to be lanky female, the one with the messy hair, started petting me gently.  I know she took a shower and got all cleaned up, but she still reeked like a lumberyard smokestack.   And not in a good mood, something screamed about not one pair of pants fit her fat ass whatever that is.  The gentle stroking took a startling turn when she suddenly grabbed me off the chair so quickly that I had no opportunity to dig into the fabric.  What the hell is that big thing?  She's putting me inside!!!  NOOOOO!!  What the hell are you doing to me?  I never saw this before and I don't feel well and you're shoving me into this cave?  DON'T SHUT THE DOOR!!  No no no!   I can see out but can't get out and I do not like this one bit.  Let me out or I will wail in my screechy voice!  Oh no.  It's moving.  It's moving!!  I'm flopping around in here trying to get my bearings while sticking paws out between these wires.  This is not good, not good at all.  We're still moving, moving, now what the hell is this?  I usually lay under this big metal box and I do not want to be put inside of it.  But they do anyway and then slam this huge door shut.  And here I am.  A prisoner in a hard box with holes.  What's that noise?  We're moving.  The big metal box is moving!  I'm howling like a banshee and she keeps telling me it will be alright.  Maybe for her!  What could possibly be right about this abduction?  Am I leaving my home?  I've heard her talk about how cruel people are to animals and they drive them somewhere and drop them off.   She sees this stuff on something called facebook and I know she doesn't like it.  I just continue to howl.

 

It stopped.  Then it would move.  And stop.  Over and over until it stopped for the last time and so did the noise.  They opened that big door and I was so scared, I didn't recognize anything!  Where was I and what were they going to do with me!!   Who is this guy looking at me through the wires?  They're talking about me like I'm not even here.  Oh no they're opening the wire door.  But I don't know where I am and don't want to get out!  She (the formerly lanky and currently smoky) grabs me and holds me while this other guy explains that his assistant was called to her father's death bed so she will have to help.  Help with what?  What are you doing?  Why are you pressing that thing on me?  I have a slight heart problem?  You're grabbing and squeezing me too hard!  Get that fricking light out of my eyes and that stick out of my mouth!  Don't flip me on my back, noooo, no, no, no!!  Why are you doing this?  What's a virus?  Contagious between cats?  So I can pass this to Budman and Missy and probably got it from that huge white cat with the black spots?  But I could have FIV and need blood work next week.  He's talking about all sorts of things for next week.  Let me stay in smokestack's arms and away from this guy.   OWIE what the hell was that?  Did you shoot me?  OW!!  Again?  Who the hell are you man?  Please let me go back into that hard box pleeeease!!   I promise to stop howling!  Good good here we go.  We're leaving.  Wait wait.  Did I hear him say to COME BACK???  You mean those next week things are HERE and I have to do this again???  Ain't happening bro. 

 

Back into the big metal box and she talked to me the whole time.  I didn't care.  Howling continued because I had no idea what was happening.  But she said we were home. Took me a while once that cave opened to realize my surroundings - home!  I made it!  And she's giving me treats!  I think I better do whatever she wants from now on so I'll eat the damn things.  Then I'll go outside and run far away!  Wait, she picked me up and hugged me.  She's putting me down and opening the door to outside.  She's not trying to hurt me or keep me captive.  Maybe this was a good thing.  Maybe I will just plop down right here by her swing, and stick around.  We'll know in five days if I'll be sticking around for a long while.  Until then, my bum hurts from being shot, but they brought me home.  Home.  I'm a lucky cat.

 

 

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